It’s one thing to say that Steve “The Voice” (barf) Perry was inspired by Sam Cooke – that’s all well and good – but to claim that Steve is the inheritor of Sam’s mantle or even remotely close to being the talent that Sam was... well, that’s just plain idiotic.

There are rockers who have ‘done Sam’ well. Rod Stewart, for instance, has at times been worthy of touching the hem of Cooke’s garment. But Steve? Only in some bizarro-cheesy-pouf universe.

Steve Perry bears the same relationship to Sam Cooke that Michael Bolton does to Otis Redding, while coincidentally wearing an equally ridiculous and iconic coif. So yeah, as a singer he's a pretty good Bad Hair Day.

I'm curious as to why, unlike Wikipedia, Conservapedia is a ".com" and not a ".org". You'd think that those disseminating something as vital as "the truth shall set you free" would want to at least imply public service and noncommerciality.

I bought I'm Wide Awake, etc. after reading all the stellar reviews, and with no clue what a Bright Eyes sounded like. I do like to think tho, that the little weenie Oberst was inspired to name the band while watching the video for Total Eclipse of the Heart, with Bonnie Tyler singing, “turn around, bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart…”. Remember that video, with all those creepy glowing eyes? That was some scary shit right there and likely to lay waste to young Conor’s impressionable mind. I find this an attractive theory, and it comforts me.

I honestly tried to love that album, cuz I paid cash money for it. I gave it a half dozen spins, hoping it would grow out of its amazingly awkward crapness, but it became more painful to listen to with each play. The spousal unit finally snapped and said, “Never ever play that precious, bleating, castrated little sheep in my presence again please, thankyou.” And I was relieved; someone had to say it. I felt blessed when the cd shop paid me three dollars to take it off my hands, for I was sore afraid I would be stuck with it for life. Well, actually, I’d have used it for target practice, I had come to despise it so much.

My conclusion? Someday they will find a cure for Conor Oberst. Until then, many will continue to suffer, despite the best efforts of our doctors and yearly telethons.

Bonus Point: The comment about Vampire Weekend is spot-on if the line is creatively misread as “…disguising it under layers of *felched* African pop”. True dat, since VW are nothing if not the sound of spent creativity being sucked out of the ass end of eighties-era David Byrne and Paul Simon. Talk about your derivatives of derivatives. Damn, what you kids get up to these days.

So Robert Burton proposes that we have some sort of College Bowl to test the alleged thought processes of the candidates. Instead of oohing and ahhhing over Obama’s halo, or Palin’s hot milfness, as they’re being pitched softball questions, we would actually test their skillsets or whatnot? As if they were being interviewed for a job, as our potential employee?

In the words of Wilde: “Ah! that is clearly a metaphysical speculation, and like most metaphysical speculations has very little reference at all to the actual facts of real life, as we know them.”

It’s never going to happen. So why even bother bringing it up, other than to indulge a personal flight of fancy?

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine."

Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!

In 1977 I went through basic training for the army. One day we had a half-day class on our personal responsibilities as a soldier under the UCMJ and the Geneva Convention, as related to wartime deployment. The instructor told us that the course was a direct result of Lt. Calley’s actions at My Lai, which was still relatively fresh in the nation’s memory.

After detailing the prohibitions and thou-musts of armed conflict, he said to us: “If you are given an order that is obviously illegal, you have two choices before you. First choice, you refuse to follow the order. You will then be subject to court martial and imprisoned and – if you are convicted of treason – you will possibly spend the rest of your life in prison. If you instead obey what is clearly an illegal order, you and you alone will be held accountable should it ever come to light. And your signature on the form you sign at the end of this class is the army’s proof that you understand the consequences of obeying an illegal order. I hope to god you poor bastards are never placed in this position. But if you are ever sent to war, you will be.”

I imagine that this was merely a formal acknowledgement of the way things had been all along, same as it ever was.

"I don't trust the car companies' leadership," said Sen. Chuck Schumer, a New York Democrat. "I worry that, if they're left on their own, they'll be back a short time later asking for more, and we won't be better off. To hand money over with vague, unenforceable promises without an enforcement plan for viability isn't good enough."

Weird. The same could be said about the Federal Government's "leadership". Pot, meet Kettle.

What’s all this talk about IF Lincoln were alive today? Do you not know your history? Do you not recall how he was brought into the future by Bill and Ted in their Excellent Adventure? And what words he did speak unto the good citizens? “Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!”

Alas, it is just as Santana said, “Those who forget the repast are condemned to reheat it.”