LW has a fundamental and clear understanding of LW's current circumstance. That is, at that age, a great resource..

I echo others who suggest therapy, although my personal journey has turned to trauma therapists well-versed in EMDR as a mechanism to process deep/repressed feelings.

My therapist notes that many emotions can be processed in a quiet state, but anger, because of its physiological manifestations, cannot. It needs to be 'moved'. In fact, LW's kicking inantimate objects is not so bad, but there are other ways of channeling that anger and "moving it" - exercise, martial arts (I took up fencing at one point).

I have learned that anger is not a 'bad" emotion, but rather, a valid and richly appropriate response in many situations. The challenge is in learned expression of it in ways that are both socialy acceptable and effective in achieving change. The role model LW had was a lousy one, so expressing anger that way is obtuse, rude and abusive.... so not wonder LW becomes timid, if the only learned way to handle anger is to be abusive. Being timid avoids replication of Dad..... but it is time to find better ways of processing anger. So, those martial arts classes, assertiveness training seminars - all are ways of learned behavior that express anger authentically and directly while remaining fully within culturally acceptable boundaries.

As LW becomes more versed with processing anger, my bet would be on LW's achieving a richer emotional life all around... joy, surprise, delight, sadness, grief...emotions are connected. Learning to repress one causes all to go into hiding. At first that experience of emotional richness can be baffling, and for me was, at times, frightening. During that process, the coaching of my therapist was essential in providing me with a caring, but objective assessment of my behaviors in 'the real world". During that time, my wife faced massive health issues, and it was essential for me to become her advocate with hosipitals, rehab settings, banks, brokerage houses, attorneys - and I learned to articulate my wife's needs directly, firmly and repeatedly, not accepting being brushed off, mishandled or otherwise "lost in the system". it was an amazing education for me in learning that my anger and frustration over burocratic bubling could be appropriately expressed with positive impact and outcome!

As for Mom, perhaps the first step in replacing timidity with a sense of personal boundary is to get an answering machine, and create the circumstance where LW speaks with Mom once a week - or once a month. Will she like it? Na, but she can deal with her frustrations with her therapist. Her behavior is passive-aggressively intrusive, and there is no reason for LW to sustain a daily relationship with Mommy unless LW wants it.

Like many other respondants, I chose to redefine my adult relationship with my brilliant, but toxic (drunk, physically abusive, sexually abusive) parents by speaking with them once a month. They railed about my abandoning them, but they did so only once a month...... and gradually, I could enter into a more adult relationship with them, in which at least one of the three participants (me) was functioning in a mature manner. My father eventually "got it" and he and I had some authentic dialogue prior to his death when I was 24. My mom was, and remained, a lost case and opportunity.

So, kudos to LW for having an articulate understanding of the circumstance of LW's upbringing. Now is an ideal time to change, shift, grow and thrive!

Yep, LW needs to speak to his wife about her drinking. Certainly there is much in her life that may be complex, and drinking to numb out may be a coping mechanism. I don't buy the "she's not drinking enough to be a true boozer...." that some writers have referenced; the key issue is whether, when stopped, the cessation of drinking causes pain. If it does, there is a problem. If it does not, the drinking is situational, and may pose a social, but not biochemical challenge.

As for LW's son, if better living throuh chemestry is going to level out his raging imbalances, then go for it. Don't neglect the alternative world, and consider lookinging at diet, etc.....and I note that some of junior's emotional acting out may modify if Mom does, indeed, kick the boozing which does nothing for her emotional accessibility. Is it the prime causitive force? probably not, but these things become interwoven very, very quickly.

As for LW, there is an odd detatchment that suggest the lack of dispair as a byproduct, not a prime motivator - and it is the byproduct of not wanting to "deal". dealing with a drinking spouse and a "problem child" is demanding, and many folks run for the hills and hide, hid, hide.......

I might suggest, given the complexities, a family therapist who can intervene in the family system, look at each part, each role, each behavior and help understand the mosaic of family life that comprises this home. To that end, LW will need to not be "detached" and will need to understand his own role, good, bad and indifferent, in the family system. Right now, two family members are functioning with some significant overt, definable level of dysfunction - that alone is reason enough to seek the compassionate, knowing intervention of a skilled family therapist. And, it would seem to me that there is sufficient $$$ to achieve it without radically altering the family budget.