The process of discovery of deciet in the serivce of addiction is always a challenge. Indeed, LW is putting the pieces together, remembering times that seemed "out of synch". And the picture, when completed, is not all that pretty.

So the chap has come clean, and has turned to his SO and his boss for support. I disagree with some other posters that the boss's reaction is unrealistic; if this man is a valuable and functional employee, the organizational investment in him is substantive. Moreover, they cannot fire him simply for being an addict, which is classed as a disease, and thus covered by ADA legislation. They CAN fire him for being incompetent on the job. for stealing items from work to sell for crack, and for using on the job, but if his performance has "held", they cannot remove him simply for being an addict.His boss, if this chap is a valuable employee, is trying to salvage that value, frankly. (Scratch an HR person in any medium sized organization and you will find the addresses and contct data for a rich variety of dryout and detox centers.........)

I don't have an answer for LW that is clean and black and white. I can suggest that, in the face of deceit that serves addiction, she needs to define her boundaries clearly with him, and then stick to them. That is, in and of itself, enormously tough, but can be a process that validates one's own strength.

Those boundaries may include:

That he develop and maintain a plan for remediating and stabilizing his addictive behavior. Inpatient, followed by therapy and, perhaps, peer support in the form of 12-step fellowships, which can be invaluable in removing the isolation from addictive behaviors. His firm's insurance policy will, in all probability, pay for 28 days. Make sure the detox center is an excellent one... there are many to choose from.

The stabilization time is essential. he pops out of four weeks of detox to his familiar enviornment to do - what? he needs to see a therapist, in part to see if there are underlying causes for his behavior that he needs to explore and process, and he needs peer support. That ain't LW... she has not the experience. But YOUR boundary is that he have an support/action plan IN PLACE upon discharge.

No using on your premises. house, car, hotel room, whatever

no access to your financial information and - no access to your personal property that may be easily "fenced". Period.

No lying to you about his behavior going forward. If he slips, which is possible/probable, then lying about it compounds it. You need to have the information straight up if he uses.

An awareness on his part that his behavior has caused pain. No wishy washy apologies, no tears and then comfort sex, but a clear and concise discussion. Go through those moments that did not "fit" and confirm the reality. LW's feeling of betrayal is apparent, and needs to be articulated to the addict in question.

YOu, LW, may have other boundaries that you wish to establish. That is your call.

In truth, if you have not already found some favorite trinkit of jewelry missing, or the spare bedroom TV missing, or unusual charges to your credit card, this man may have an addiciton that is corrigable. He has encapsulated his use, and "contained" it. that speaks to some hope, as his management skills bear some opportunity for success here.

Do addicts clean up? None have posted directly on this site so far. My wife worked with her single, isolated, lonely boss to remove him from coke, years ago..... he took a week off, self-detoxed at home with a physician's support and awareness, and was able to box the demon. he remained at work, highly functional, entirely effective, and - also - remained enormously loyal to my wife, long after their working relationship changed. Many, many times however, as the letters to date attest, the process of dealing with addictive behavior is a slippery challenge that risks for so many, becoming a slippery slope. By defining boundaries, LW may continue to hold out hope based on mutual respect and honesty, with the full awareness that if the SO slips down that slope, her obligation to her own core principles is clear.