Inheritences brings out the worst in families, and if there are rifts between family members, nothing drives them deeper than a will that points out the obvious. LW's father changed his will to reflect his current feelings, unless someone can prove that he was demented, his will is effective. The thought that your sister needs to "approve' your being executor strikes me as odd, and I would confirm that very carefully. The fact that prior wills were more kind to your sister is irrelevant to the reality of what the current will speaks to; the courts really don't give a damn unless he was of unsound mind and your sister can prove that. Unless your sister has deep pockets, she may rattle a sabre or two, but a real legal fight on this kind of thing is daunting, and you have the estate to back your legal expenses, she does not.

So,deal, one at a time. The attorney works for you, and in his absence, an associate should be able to help. Force the issue. The property in Boston needs to be secured, and the nice neighbor lady who is now getting pushy needs to be removed from the property, the car secured. The estate should pay to have a representative, perhaps from the attorney's office, provide clear and defined rules of behavior to the woman in question. Believe me, attorneys have heard it all, and your request will not be unusual....Your father's estate is paying them to be the "heavy". I might note that this woman, nice as she was to your father, sounds exactly like the kind of person who might sue the estate if she slips and falls on the doorstep.... While you are at it, tell your sister that since she has a different opinion about the resolution of the estate, she should direct her concerns to the attorney. Refuse to discuss it with her further.

WHEN ALL THE DUST IS SETTLED..... that is, when you have clear authority as executor, when you know what the real assets of the estate are, then you can sit down and focus on a generosity of spirit, to the degree that that motivates you. Doing that BEFORE you have clear legal authority is to place yourself in jeapordy

When you have clear authority and a clear understanding of the assets of the estate is the time to reappraise how you feel. If the car is not worth much, perhaps giving it to the neighbor makes sense. If there are items in the house of little resale value, having her take them away may make sense. But - you make those decisions when you legally can, and with a clear statement to her that this is your choice, not a statement of entitlement. (And, I note that as close as you and your father were as he declined, it seems odd that no mention was made of taking care of the nice neighbor lady.....)

Your sister is another matter, and it is not automatically necessary for you to compensate for your father's decision. Your father's actions, while perhaps cruel, may also reflect a felt response to his other daughter, and for you to abrogate that is to ignore his wishes. Whatever you do on that score, be careful that you do so legally, assuming that you can just give her half the estate may be challenged by the tax folks..... as technically, the money is yours - and do it out of generosity of spirit, not guilt.

As for being executor, I took that role on the first time and did it without charging the estate, of which I was a 50% benificiary. NEVER AGAIN! You will spend real time, real energy and real effort resolving this puppy, and your time is worth something. Most states have rough guidelines, generally a percentage of the estimated value of the estate. You can draw that down prior to the resolution of the estate. In addition, ALL costs related to estate resolution should be borne by the estate; these can be reimbursed as e3vents unfold...... This is NOT "ripping off the estate" this is treating yourself fairly.

Truly, I think you need to think about treating yourself fairly.... your father's will is clear, your committment to him exemplary and from the heart, and now that the dust is not yet settled, you need to be aware of what you are truly entitled to. Establish that first before you give away a cent to any nice neighbor or an estranged sister.