Always interested to read commentary from "civilians" about childhod sexual abuse, expecially female perps with male victims...... Generally, it so misses the point and rachets around bizarre rationalizations that have absoltutely nothing to do with the stark, harsh, brutal reality of what sexual abuse is......

I was abused by both genders, indluding both parents, my older brother, a cousin, an uncle and a male babysitter. My family were highly educated, my mother a prominent federal civil servant and a physician. My father was also a federal civil servant and a social worker....... They were the kind of professionals that folks turn to for advice and commentary about childhood sexual abuse, not the kind of folks that get reported. Especially in the '50's and '60's in the rural midwest.

After fifteen years of involvement in a twelvestep program that suports those vicitimized in their childhood by sexual predators, I have some emperical awarenesses that are entirely different than "popular beliefs".

Sexual abuse by women is far more common than is reported in the press, who favor coverage of hot women who prey on their adolescent male students because it makes a "grabber story" as the leggy blond schoolteacher is captured on film in the "perpwalk"...... Predators can include mothers, older sisters, female babysitters, Sunday School teachers, coaches, girl scout leaders, etc. They can prey on children of the opposite or same sex, with the same malignant impact as men who prey on girls or boys. They can be gay, but I note that most predators, regardless of their gender and the gender of their victims, generally represent in their predominant presence as 'straight". I note this to remove the pernicious concept that gay men are the predominant cause of sexual abuse.... a casual wedding of some negative cultural steriotypes that pleases some utterly rightwingnuts.......but have precious little to do with the realities of sexual abuse. Yep, NAMBLA is out there, but for every memberof NAMBLA is some high school coach who preys on his/her male/female charges......

There are odd patterns, not unlike the one that emerged in my family of origin, where the child becomes enmeshed, entirely against his/her will, in a bizarre and utterly sick triangle. My parents triangualted the relationship with me, and with my older brother, sexualizing a parental relationship in ways that were truly, truly demented.

The impact of sexual abuse is due to the imbalance of power, and has devastating impact, regardless of the gender of the abusor AND CULTURAL BIASES......... While the age of eighteen can be debated until the cows come home, I would aver that a sixteen year old boy or girl, a seventeen year old boy or girl, or an eighteen year old boy or girl who is preyed upon by someone who is older and who occupies a position of power and authority will sustain devastating impacts. Those impacts include confusion about the nature of sexual intimacy, confusion about gender orientation, confusion about the meaning of sexual intimacy in a relationship.... other impacts, in response to profound undadressed psychic pain can include a variety of compulsive behaivors that numb out emotion (pain), such as drinking, eating disorders (certainly for women and increasingly for men) drug abuse, compulsive working, exercise, compulsive sexual behavior, and more, of course. So that guy at the office who lays everything but the Atlantic Cable may well be an unidentified victim of seuxal abuse, either by a male for female, seeking to 're-enact'with a different outcome. Ultimately, this kind of coping fails. So do the numbing techniques; the lush who has just five more will ultimately NOT succeed in numbing his/her psychic pain.

Let's separate fantasy from action, as well. Boys frequently develop a crush on their mother, a scoolteacher, whatever, just as girls frequently fantasize about their fathers, a scoolteacher, etc. Normal. What is devastating is when that fantasy turns to reality, with the reality of power imbalance,loss of choice, etc. The man who "went public' with his insightful awareness of the emotional damage was speaking a very real truth.

And yep, cultural biases forbid men from seeing themeselves as victims, either with samesex abuse or opposite sex abuse. Howeer, that doesn't stop it from having devastating impact.

So, I just thought I would weigh in as one who lived it. I did NOT get lucky when my mother crept into my bedroom when I was 12, 13, 14 to "get off" It was really, really ugly, just as ugly as being sodomized by the males in my family of origin.

I built a life far, far away from the toxicity of my family of origin. I have a good career that I enjoy, marriage that is rich and meaningful, a relationship with my stepson that is good and full, and a sheaf of invoices for highly skilled trauma therapy that would buy a very nice timeshare in Cancun. My brother, I note, sustained 30 years of alchohol and drug dependancy, during which he sexually abused his children, before committing suicide at the age of 49. This stuff does kill, folks. Sexual abuse has devastating emotional costs that I doubt that we, culturally, can actually take a close look at yet, as the true costs are extraordinary, compelling, and very, very close to home.......