Kudos to LW for separating enough from a complex childhood to achieve some significant professional and personal goals. With that as a foundation, and with the combined functional intelligence of both LW and his wife, it may be time to sit down and analytically think through the various options. On paper. Execute a decision tree, with alternatives laid out, including possibilities, good and bad, for five and ten years down the road.

But based on the infomration provided, there isn't enough data to truly devolve a specific direction. Indeed, LW has, perhaps inadvertently, neglected to mention his brilliant wife's needs, goals, ambitions and the condition of her family of origin, as well as any understanding of what she signed up for.... when she married him. Did she marry just him, or buy into a package deal?

In addition, there is no clear understanding of LW's capacity for boundaries. He succeeded in separating from mom via geography and the all-consuming dual degree track. Clever, rewarding, and a completely justifiable excuse to mom and anyone else, as to why he hasn't focused on their needs. Can he live in the same city (let alone the same property) and NOT be consumed by the daily drama of the dual lives of his mother and sister?

And, there is no projection as to Mom and Sis's reactions. Will they welcome his efforts with open arms, with resentment or with all-consuming suck-him-dry needs that no no bounds?

And alhtogh we know we are dealing with two highly skilled pratcitioners, we don't know if there is, really, money to throw at all of the problems...... Are these two debt free? Somehow, I doubt that.... home health aides, from a bonded agency, can run $20/hour; a weekly maintenance program of that form of help can rack up a pretty dent in anyone's annual budget.

And, will money solve any/some/all of the problems? If money for therapy, for home health aides, for cleaning support, is the answer, then the location of the bank is moot.

Is the need emotional support? And if so, how much, and to what degree is this high-power dual career couple going to go to carve out time with Momma when the international conference on whatever calls?????? Academics do research and publish; that demands, if done right, true contemplative time. Is LW going to carve that out of a schedule that involves taking Mom to the podiatrist?

I really think LW AND his wife need to take their formidable intellects and map out their potential resources, both fiscal and emotional, and index them against their best guess as to the needs of mom and sis/sis's kids. Best case/worst case, short term, long term. This is not an easy set of issues to deal with.

They may well discover that all of their best efforts may only be a partial solution to the complex challenges that LW's mom and sis face. With that, they then need to focus on what they can BEST solve, rather than trying to solve ALL issues at hand.... not the time to be the knight in shining armor, but rather be a focused strategic interventionist.

And, when they are done, time, while they are young, their earning power is just emerging out of the box and their health is fantastic, to buy long term health insurance policies. Let them be informed by the challenges of this generation......

As an aside, my wife, in perfect health, purchased a ltc policy in her early fifties as a capital preservation tool with an expectation that she would not need it for decades. Two years later, she sustained a massive aneurysm and our lives changed overnight. While she is doing well, even brilliantly, she still draws down tens of thousands of home health aide time a year, all covered.... Because of her prudence, we have choices. And, mystepson will have choices in the future as well, ones that do NOT involve dipping into his capital.....