So, just as an initial starter thought; the man may choose to continue to husband resources by driving a beater car and living modestly. Being wealthy does not necessarily mean flashing it.

LW, your BF's money and his family's money is NOT a commentary on the dysfunctional youth that you were afforded which, among other things, featured poverty as a key component. It is not a personal attack, nor is it a statement, in any way, of your inadequacy - or his.

When I connected with the woman I married, I discovered that when I spoke of childhood camping trips, she referenced ski trips in Zermatt. By the time I was 20, my parents' impecunious approach towards money management led me to live in everything from a 17-room villa with a staff of three in help to a two room flat with a potty at the end of the hall for all to share. My mother's inheritence was squandered on bad investments, booze, drugs and booze, and controlled substance drugs (she was a physician). They claimed poverty part way through my undergrad schooling, but backed off when I commented that the cost of maintaining the Mercedes must be getting to them.

My wife grew up on a small country "farm" with a meticulously restored two-hundred year old farmhouse, attended private day schools and skiied in Europe. Her father, I note, drove used Buicks.....

So, we had a lot of conversations about money, and the values that lie behind them. Having money did not cripple my wife, nor did it inhibit her drive to become a successful executive, prior to health reverses. She did NOT turn to Daddy's deep pocket when she broke out of an abusive marriage, but funded her separation, divorce and new life herslef. Frugally, which is the value she learned growing up.

I learned from her how to manage money, and how to enjoy using it in ways that were comfortable for us. We also lived frugally, purchasing a house that was worth little more than our very substantive combined income, because we wanted to continue to travel and engage in other activities. I drove a new car because my firm provided me with one.....

So, LW, sit down with what seems to be a very nice guy, talk about that very large chip on your shoulder and gently, very gently, place it aside. You may find that he is in awe of your achievements, and respects you profoundly. You may find out that he is a callow, superficial trust fund baby whose greatest pleasure is clipping bonds, or you may find out that he is real, that he uses money judiciously, and that you and he can create a life together. But you aren't goind to do any of this unless you talk. And given that this is your stuff, your issue, you need to talk first. Just do keep in mind that his family did not become rich just to insult yours.....

This case has brought forward a tremendous amount of commentary about why the kid did not run. That commentary has, I am sure, largely come from folks who were not sexually abused as children. As one who was, repeatedly, I can guarantee that the kid's not running may well have saved his life. He certainly thought it did in the circumstance of the moment, and the circumstance of the moment was that a man who outaged and outweighed this 11 year old, forcablly establihsed his ability to control the boy's activities. had the lad resisted, Devlin's actions might well have been fatal, at least after he had entertained his bizarre needs sexually. That the man's threat of murder carried over four years is also not surprising; the balance of power and authority remained with Devlin. Let's set aside the fetching concept of the "stockholm syndrome' for the moment, and look at pure survival. the kid was bargaining for his life.

O'Reilly's stupid maunderings are just the tip of the iceberg of incredibly naieve attitudes about childhood sexual abuse in this country and culture. Men abuse boys and girls, women abuse boys and girls, and the numbers are far, far more than those reported. The damage, measured in destabilization of children, is staggering. The only thing the O'Reilly's of the world do is perpetuate a neandertholic array of myths. One would wonder exactly what O"reilly would do when bound with duct tape? My only hope in such a fantasy is that it would, for a brief moment, cause him to shut up.

Children dont' stop sexual abuse. They can't. It does not matter whether it was forceable or seductive, the balance of power remains with the adult.

I have followed this case because some elements of it parallel elements of my own childhood, including being raped after being forcibly taken and held. Sadly, this boy had no choice, and his prudence in "succumbing' was the only prudent strategy that he had that might have worked. I am glad he is alive, and profoundly glad that he has a family that protect his privacy and seem to have some understanding of a need to support this boy in a healing journey. His childhood is shot to hell, but he has some hope of becoming a wonderful, functional adult.