Always a challenge, this honesty schtick. How much, when and - why? "Don't Ask, Don't Tell?".....

My stepson was raised in the heart of a large city, attending a private school known as the "druggie" school by some, as it's location made drug accessibility quite easy. My stepson, of course, could have also gotten drugs from his father's dealers......In fact, I doubt that drugs were any more accessible there than anywhere. They are, in fact, everywhere. Including in Mommy and Daddy's medicine chest, though there, usually, via script.

I always found it useful, with my stepson, to find a middle balance between "tell nothing" and "remniscing". When he mentioned that a classmate's older brother had sustained a horrific acid trip, I spoke to my parallel experience, noting that I was profoundly glad I came out the other side. When he complained about his father's use of pot, I spoke to my own scant experience with it, which allowed him to open up to expressing his profound feelings of loss in relation to a father who was, perforce due to his drug and alchohol abuse, not present. And, when I stopped drinking because I thought I might have a problem, I spoke proactively with my stepson, then 14, about my decision and why. It stood in sharp contrast to his father's consistent denial about his own massive addiction. Interestingly, after he got his driver's licence, he became the "designated driver" for the rest of his high school years and going on into college. His course of action, given the role models AND given the information, was to choose a course of prudence.

Drug abuse and alchohol abuse are pervasive in our culture. You can find them in inner cities, and in the gilded suburbs just as easily. You can find street drugs, designer drugs and friendly physicians who will pitch you anything..... So this issue is not whether your children, LW, are going to collide with folks who use drugs and alchohol, they will. The issue is what impression they will form about drug and alchohol use as a result of informed discussions with key adults in their ilves. And that, LW , is where you can come into play.... Not as a moralistic preacher, but as someone with candid life experience that may have meaning to them. You played with drugs, you escaped without serious harm to your brain or your flesh, and you are engaged in a life that is rich and rewarding without using them. That, after all, is the point. you used, you stopped, you apparently stopped without fanfare upon reflection and upon maturity. Good for you! Why not share that, in a quiet way, with your children? It gives them a multidimensional understanding of who you are! And a very rich and compelling part of who you are.

Can these candid discussions "keep your children from using"? Maybe, maybe not. But, if you can find a candid, casual way to provide information as the topic arises, then you give them a normalized way to speak about drugs, to ask more questions, and to learn, learn from their elders. What they do with the infomration is up to them, but if your kids are as level-headed as they sound, they will absorb the information and either experiment cautiously or eschew the whole thing....

I am a stepfather, not a father, but I am inclined to think that part of my role in my stepson's life was to share, quietly, without excessive drama - and as appropriate - what errors of judgement/lessons learned I have sustained, so that he can avoid them himself, if he chooses. Isn't that part of what true parenting is about?