LW is between a real rock and a very hard place. I am always fascinated at the judgements of folks who, perhaps, have never placed cardboard in their shoes to lenghen the life of the shoe, recycled teabags for six times, and have a dozen inventive lines for creditors.

One of my favorite lines is from a sardonically witty psychotherpist, Sheldon Kopp, who notes that all of live's critical decisions are shaped with incomplete information. As a result, hindsight is always compelling and, somehow, very accurate.

LW sounds as if he has shaped a series of lifeactions that have been challenging, have backfired, and have not created the platform of functional, economic and emotional stability that he would like (and that his family of origin clearly feel he should have achieved by now, silly vagabond......) LW's decisions have led to an economically marginalized circumstance which prodcued a paycheck, and with careful managing, keeps a roof over his head. If one wanted to apply Maslow's theory of hierarchical needs, he is JUST barely addressing the issues of surviving.

And that has some devastating emotional consequences in terms of what he can do in this moment to tend to emotional needs that are, if you will, higher up on the Maslow Hierarchy. He cannot leave without risking the very fragile economic skiff he is shipping out in.

I might suggest a different emotional "contract" of the moment than borrowing money from some mythic "money tree" (and thus assume a fiscal liability that he cannot easily manage) and risking all for the emotional release of being at his mother's comatose side, or at her funeral. One can only assume that LW's economic state is not permanent, and that he looks forward to creating a life with more stability. At that point, with time, with money, and with energy, perhaps he can "pay it forward". Perhaps a favorite charity of his mother's, perhaps a donation of time and energy to some activity or event that woudld have had real meaning to her. That may aussauage LW's sense of guilt and - in the long run, be a living trubute to the attributes of his mother that he truly wishes to honor. Far more compelling than a sheaf of reciepts to a bedside of a woman who cannot recognize him or to a funeral, emotionally resonant as attending it might be for him.

What I would NOT recommend is making economically heroic decisions to address either his family's sense of appropriateness, or even his own heartfelt need, if it truly risks his own fragile economic health. His survival, in Maslowian terms, comes first. Period. (And frnkly, were his family of origin all that damn loving and caring, someone might have stepped up with a plane ticket somewhere along the line......)

Are there regrets, guilt, grief and sadness associated with this circumstance? Yep. can LW beat himself up for lifedecisions made that leave him in this position? Yep. However, I would suggest that his energy is best managed by "bookmarking" those emotions while focusing on shaping a quality of life that has more timbre to it than it has now. Emotions, fully experienced, move. Emotions, not processed, become a saragossos sea, a quagmire, that bind one down. LW needs to acknowledge his grief over opportunity lost, mourn the challenges of his own economic circumstance at the moment, and - move on.

The best tribute he could, ultimately, provide his mother is to create an adult life of emotional resonance and depth and caring. While attending a funeral may be nice, may be socially correct and may even be emotionally approrpiate, I really think LW's best energies ought be focused on seeing how to transition out of temping into something that provides him with more professional, emotional and economic sustainance.