Classic issues growing up in a household filled with emotional neglect, as well as a total lack of personal boundaries. LW has found her own "rock bottom", and it is time to act on her desire to toss off the dead weight of her brother's care.

A number of strategies have been outlined.... and LW could do well to probe the choices posed as she forms her own direction. Howeer, her focus needs to be on the issues pertinent to her. She needs to repo and return the car, elminating the liability that it represents, which is massive. She needs to cut off the last branches on the money tree. If her aunt is amenable, she can intervene in his housing, but ultimately, that is between the aunt and nephew. And finally, LW needs to sit her bro down and spell out the reality. She is no longer his keeper.

With that, then she needs to address her own needs. ACOA and CODA are both fine 12-step groups, and in either or both, she will find a home. She will find parallel stories, and will find both cogent commentary and advice. She will discover that she is not alone. She will have phone numbers to call the next time her bro calls to plead his case, and instead of caving, she can call and seek support. If her brother is corrigable, she may be able to draw him into ACOA, as one might surmise that his lack of life skills may be tracked to the alchoholic household that he also grew up in, but that is a secondary issue, one that can follow LW's functional independence from overcaring. In addition, she may need to spend some time with her husband, perhaps taking the money saved from that rental car to focus on a vacation or some other marital indlgence that the two can share. Given that she has cared for her brother for these years, perhaps a vacation at a resort where others took care of her might be reparative.....

And finally, she needs to let go of her finely honed sense of responsibitiy and guilt. Perhaps, if she releases herself from the role of caretaker, her brother will get a grip. And, perhaps not. Whatever course he takes, she can observe from a distance.

One of the key aspects I learned in ACOA was the slogan "detatch with love". LW need not cease loving her brother, but she can detatch from meeting his needs.