Interesting.....

One can rant on about the superficiality of LW's perceptions and her unwillingness to "buck" society, but the truth is, appearance matters. One interesting, and probably superficial study, indiciates that folks do best when they connect with an "8" on a scale of 1/10.... high, but not unreachable. Of course, what constitutes an "8" in someone's eyes is very, very subjective.

My wife and I both involved each other, as we grew to fall in love, in our "presentation of self" to the larger world. I shopped with my wife, she with me, and with loving support, we learned to improve the way we handled our innate traits. Both professionally very active, our appearance and presentation to a constant stream of new clients and consultants was part and parcel of our respective (overlapping) worlds. Her opinion helped, and I loosened up my perception of approprate colors on a guy. She helped me find a haircut that works with a receeding hairline. I worked with her to help her understand the innate asset of her (naturally) gorgeous blond hair, which she had not really "played with".... and we found business garb for her that was attractive, stylish and professional. She helped me pick eyeglasses..... and so on. On a more intrinsic level, we work out with the same trainer, and both work out additionally during the week for core healthcare maintenance issues. That it keeps my body lean and appropriately muscled is a very nice byproduct........

I note at NO point did I "tell" my wife what to buy, nor she me, despite the blandishments of countless shopclerks in boutiques all over the city. What we DID do was speak to natural attributes... and that, in the process of enahncement, became an act of support, of affection and - of fun. The end result is, that although my wife is no raving beauty and I am no paragon of masculine handsomeness, when packeaged well, we "cleaned up nice", and both carved formidable careers, in part, supported by our ability to move into a conference room or business lunch confident in our presentation of self. My wife, at 5-11", became described as "striking", and I, with an innate slender build, became known as "distinguished looking". Not Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, but neither of us was the shy, gawky, geeky young adults that we were when we first met.

I would note that the concept of male beauty (or to be gender-specific) is still very touchy, as few males view themselves as a sexual being, as someone with innate traits and, potentially, limitations. Our culture acculturates women ruthlessly for cultural steriotypes, but not men.... even in the world of the "metrosexual". Part of what LW may need to do is assist her pal in understanding that he has, indeed, a physical and sexual presence, and that can be worked with...not in a "GQ" kind of way, but in an intrinsic and thoughful fashion.

So, if LW really loves this guy, she can engender a process of sharing that promotes their mutual well-being...... and as "classic" as she may be, a second voice whilst shopping, achieving a new "hair look" might well be useful to her to enhance her now stylish presentation of self. And, if that form of sharing does not "do it", LW needs to admit that there is a missing component for her in the relationship that will not be "healed" and move on, not leading this poor chap any further down a primrose path.

Ric