The imprinting of behavior at an impressionable age can have a profound event, particularly when that imprint was a traumatic one. I would disagree vehimently with some of the writers who concolude that, at the age of 14, LW was "predisposed' to like violent sex; this is a classic circumstance of blaming the victim.

LW is engaged in what is referred to as a "reenactment" or "behavioral memory", which is to say, that for a host of reasons, she replays the violent circumstance of her childhood sexual abuse, which is, to be blunt, what it was. It was not an "awakening", it was a rape. Period. . This can be driven by multiple motives, including the desire to loose the first incitent in a flood of incidents, so that - numberically - the first one does not count. It can be driven by a desire to replay the first incident with a hope of a different outcome. Unfortunately, neither of these mechanisms work, and the tendancy to up the ante on the re-enactment can lead, over time, to a loss of judgement and risks really dangerous adult behavior that far overarcs the original abuse. I bleieve this is where LW discovers herself now.......

I would suggest that LW find a skilled trauma therapist, not an easy task - best achieved by interviewing three therapists. She wants one who is skilled in understanding childhood sexual trauma, not some nice clinical social worker with a penchant for teasing apart one's blockage over flying. Dealing with childhood and adolescent sexual abuse is daunting, and involves moving heavy machinery around in one's head; it is best done with a skilled therapeutid guide. In addition, I would suggest that LW seek out Survivors of Incest Anonymous, who have a number of groups around the country. There, LW can find herself amongst peers, folks who will understand and not judge.

I was sexually abused by both genders, sometimes seductively, sometimes violently, until I left my family of origin at the age of 17. I spent years re-enacting in a variety of bizarre settings until I began to realize that i was spiraling out of control, and began to confront my own "stuff" created through no fault of mine, but my "stuff" nonetheless. Through dint of hard work, I am happily married, and have been so for over twenty years; our marriage does NOT involve chains and handcuffs, domination and subordination (which was part and parcel of all of my childhood abuse), but rather a careful and lusty sharing of our impulses and physical joy at being together.

I still have, from time to time, violent fantasies, borne out of my youth. I now learn to look at those fantasies as a symptom of something going on in my adult life that bears attention...... and not as a basis for acting out.

So, this letter is in sharp and complete contradistinction to the themes that seem to be running through the letters to date, which is that LW should lie back and enjoy it....... advice that is negligent and preposterous, thoughtless and cruel. LW can, via the dint of specific and focused work, embedded in a concept of self-care, change her behaviors and find a kinder gentler expression of her sexuality that she can be more comfortable with. And, I have no doubt that she can find a partner willing, joyfully, to share that gentler expression of sexuality.