Theissue for LW is the ineffable question as to whether she has "done enough", and whether there is yet one more step that will "do the trick. One can only read the testimony of those from families sabotaged by alchohol to understand the prudence of leaving. My answer is certainly that she has done more than enough; in fact, she could write the text book on "what to do". She has bent over backwards to support this man, and if he is unwilling or unable to read the reality of the circumstance due to the very deep and real insanity of his disease, she needs to protect her interests and the interests of her children....The only question is how, and that involves some nuances.......

LW needs to confirm her independent economic base. That means she needs to be able to know what she can afford solo, because this chap is not going to be able to hold down a job much longer, and will certainly not be doing much if he dies in many of the spectactular ways that alchoholics do (Single-car accident, which may be a willful passive suicide, liver failure, cardiac failure...but I digress....). This guy cannot be relied upon for child support, even though the courts may grant it.

LW needs to, with the support of an attorney/shark (meaning a highly professional attorney who can do deep courtroom battle with no reservation....) and possibly a private detective, set the basis for establishing that her husband is an unfit father. A DUI arrest would help (she CAN call the police the next time she is sure that he is driving drunk....and do society a great favor), and photoshots of his driving inebrieated will also help. Is this a nice thing to do? No, not really, but it is the core physical safety of their children that is at risk. Courts WILL listen to testimony about the fitness of a parent, but LW needs to walk in with a solid case, and that means evidence. She may need to accept that he will see the children, but only with court-approved supervision.

LW could well do to talk with other folks at Al-Anon about other life experiences, to learn by what others have gone through. Adult Children of Alchoholics was my first 12-step program.......and when the kids are old enough, Al-A Teen is a great program as well.

LW might wish to seek the advice of a cogent and pragmatic family therapist to understand how to frame what is going on to her children. And, to that end, she may well want to engage in point-specific therapy to support her on the emotional roller-coaster that she is currently in ...her anger is very legitimate, and she needs to learn how to channel that energy in ways that are constructive and productive.

And then, LW needs to move forward on implementing her strategy of departure with all of the efficiency of a Panzer division in full battle gear. She is dealing with a man who is crazy....

Let's play out the scenario that she leaves, and this is the wakeup call that her husband needs to voluntarily check into a 30-day dryout farm at the cost of his insurer, make sure that his job is secure, buy into the program after a ten-day grueling detox period, and then, following his discharge, maintain sobriety by radically changing his living patterns, attending groups, seeking therapy to find out why he drinks llike a fish. (obviously something about his family drives him to drink.....). So, now this man is sober, clean, shaven, polite, socially acceptable, mortified by his prior behavior and repentant; willing, in the words of the program, to make amends...... Then, it is time to renegotiate the boundaries with their children..... and that is it.

There is life after the insanity of a household savaged by alchoholism ......LW is fully entitled to find that life now. (Without going into the details, I found it, my wife found it, and my stepson found it.....) My hats off to her for her drive to date, time to channel that drive towards personal safety and the safety of her children.