First challenge is that this man thinks he has good taste. Leather pants, either in the straight or gay community are not in good taste, unless you're into leather fetishes. As one writer noted, leather is too coarse a material to package the package, and they're not worn outside a fetish environment for that reason.

Second, this dolt has no concept of social mores. Accepting a drink from a stranger is accepting an invitation to not continue to be a stranger, and in a gay bar.......the conclusion is obvious. Either this gentleman is utterly oblivious, or he is covertly interested in attention from other men. If he is, fine - he joins the vast proportion of men who have some samesex interest, if Kinsey is to be believed. However, he really ought to not conduct a covert display of samesex appeal in an overtly gay environment with his wife. Tacky beyond belief.

Third, his attitude towards his wife is apalling, and were I her, I wouldn't be caught dead with this ingrate, GQ though he might be. If he wants her to dress "better" (highly subjective statement, there), he could find infinitely more effective ways of achieving that goal than having her compete for his attentions in a gay setting.

Fourth, as part of an identified straight couple venturing forth into a gay bar, he needs to be mindful that he is traveling in a bit of a foreign environment. His acceptance of a drink was as rude to the gay couple that ventured forth the social risk as it was rude to the woman he came through the door with. (My wife and I sometimes dine at a mostly-gay/lesbian restaurant that features exceptional food; I could not possibly imagine reciprocating an expression of interest conveyed through a free drink. As it happens, both my wife and I have, at that restaurant, been given the hint of interest in something more than social converstation by samesex focus patrons, and our response is identical to what we do in heterosexual environments - a polite/firm gracious declination, with an understanding that, at our age, any interest is, on its face, flattering. We just don't assume it's a basis for doing anything).

Fifth, if he pushes his wife into either dressing more frumpily or far, far more stylishly, he may find that lesbians will find his wife attractive, and then will be confronted with a role-reversal. Then, perhaps, he can take up dressing like a lumberjack to appeal to the rough trade.

Depression can be driven by a chemical imbalance, or it can be situational, driven by environmental circumstances (and reactivated by "trigger" events), or both. And, if it is both, they tend to cycle upon each other, and teasing them apart is not particularly easy. There may be some reason to believe that continuous depression creates its own internal biochemical capacity for sustaining the depression, making "digging out of the pit" more and more difficult.

Given a repressive childhood that did not encourage a strong sense of self-worth, an adult depression that was triggered by lack of work is not surprising. He lacked the emotional skills to respond in an adult way to his adult circumstance, preferring to use the avoidance techniques that may have worked well in not "upsetting" an authoritarian, negative and invalidating father. That he lacked the skills is not, on the face of it, surprising, but that he has chosen to not acquire them as an adult suggests an essential passivity that underlies his avoidance competency developed in his youth. His daddy, after all, is not present in his daily adult life (except in his head, apparently), and he can choose to create/shape a life that is validating, regardless of what Daddy thinks - especially since Daddy, set in his ways, is unlikely to ever become wonderful, warm and caring.

Compliance with domineering authority figures worked for this young man as a kid to minimize pain, but passivity in one's adult life is an entirely different matter. If he has chosen to avoid adult solutions to a presenting adult problem, I would suggest that his motiviation for dealing with his issues will be as limited in the future as it seems to be at the moment. Now, when his life is stable, his work circumstance amusing enough and his personal life apparently rewarding is precisely the time to 'do the hard work" rather than when one is in the midst of a deep crisis. Were he willing to "do the work", he might find out whether he has a genetic propensity for depression, a situational depression driven by a mediocre childhood, or both, and take proactive measures to deal with that. That he abrogates his responsibility is sad in general, but a scary sign for someone who wishes to become his lifemate.

So this young woman has choices - she can accept the "package" of her boyfriend, denial in place, and "settle" for that, or she can cut her losses and move on.