Spitzer's real crime was denial, dissociation and the resultant hypocracy. Had Spitzer had a rep as a racy guy, a ladie's man and had focused solely on fiscal crime and direct mob crime, I would be happy to totally ignore his silly habit of getting it off with a pro. But his crime is one that reaveals a lack of selfawarensess,

So - I could care less if the man lays everything but the Atlantic Cable. what I DO care about is his hypocracy. To me, his hyporacy is no different than the blatent hypocracy of a partyboy flyboy and rich ne'r do well who proceeds to recast himself as a born again moral hero of the era, our key "decider".

Both are self-delusional,both were utterly reckless as a result and both are profoundly dangerous when one is forced to take them seriously

Mike In New Mexico - Your comments are based on searing personal experience some of which I share, and can completely agree with - they have the ring of profound authenticity and reflect your own personal history in a clear and precise way.

However, I think Cary's use of the term "bottom out" was NOT an endorsement of LW staying until the bitter end (after the last siren from the last ambulance and cop car leaves the bitter, volatile scene....), but rather suggesting that LW might, at some point, reach her own "personal worst" if you will, and call it quits. that might be tomorrow; many of the writers on this site are suggesting that that moment is, indeed now, a concept that I would heartily endorse. LW's friend is nowhere near a grapple point with his addictive behaviors or their causative forces. In addition, Cary was suggesting introspection, reflection and preparation, all prudent steps for someone leaving a relationship that has, as its foundation, some fundamental precepts of denial and dissocaition. I believe Cary was suggesting an "awakening", or process of self-discovery or self-awareness, rather than the classic use of the term as applied to an addict. As we all know, some addicts never hit a bottom, others have a "high bottom", yet others sustain major life losses and challenged due to addiction before bottoming out......

As for LW's friend being different if he ever sobers up... yep, he will be. And I agree that the superficial happy-go-lucky hail-fellow-well-met chap may well be gone and LW may be ill-equipped to cope with the complex, emotional, relfective and self-processing individual that emerges (if the guy is lucky).

The issue of the airlines and obesity is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the hidden costs of morbid obesity. I'm not talking about folks with a 'spare tire' and I am not interested in engaging in the moving target of what is a "normal weight".

I design healthcare facilities. Newer renovations are requiring lifts in every patient bedroom for - the morbidly obese. We provide five feet of access to bathrooms so that those who are morbidly obese can gain access and can be removed if they crash or faint. we provide heavier beds.... and on, and on, and on. Who pays for it? Ultimately, we all do.

I am no fan of the airline industry which, to some extent, has created part of the problem by miniaturizing the seats to the point that they challenge comfort and health for "normal folks". That said, the costs of morbid obesity need to be identified and called out for what they are. This is not an effort to "blame the fat" but simply to identify the very real cost impacts.

There are some that have posted that good Ole mom'dad are owed respect and honor, even if they were less than ideal.

Unfortunatley, LW's letter is about two utterly unrepentant drunks who, in the throes of an addiction that they chose to maintain (yep, it is a choice, been there, done that), afforded little but anguish and early parenting for LW, I would guess that her exaggerated sense of responsibility is because of the classic flipped roles that many of us experience when tucking a drunk parent into bed, mopping up their vomit, stepping over a comatose body on our way to bed or otherwise dealing with their utter immaturity.

I am sure my parents had complex and troubled childhoods. Unfortunately, they did not let it stop with them, and abrogated a core respnosibility to themesleves... no wonder they could not be responsible with their children. LW's mother could no more maintain a responsible attitude towards her life and her daughter than she could fly to the moon, at this point... and in that context, LW owes her squat.

Reconciliation and heartwarming reunions occur on soap operas and B movies. Rarely do they occur with depth and warmth in real life; the addict in the throes of addiction maintains a self focus that absorbs all.

So - to Addict Mom, kudos to you for sobering up, and in the self-awareness that accompanies sobriety, you and your children may be able to sustain an adult conversation. I wish you the best in that regard. Whether they know it or not, to have a parent wake up and fly sober is an amazing gift for true dialogue and connection.

I'll reiterate that I think LW is awesome for having achieved some level of separate integrity and growing up solo. It is profoundly lonely to do so, and downright scary. Now, in early adulthood may be the time to place your experience in perspective and take ownerhsip of your adult life..... without the albatross of the shadow of a drunken mom in the background.