Reading over the letters posted in response to Joan's article, I got the impression that posters on both sides of the argument were missing the point. Specifically, Barack Obama appeals to so many because WE ARE TIRED OF BEING STUCK IN ANGER. Anger is an emotion that can be informative, but "holding on to anger" is a dysfunctional response. Anger covers up deeper, more vulnerable emotions--like disappointment, sadness, shame. Only when we decide to see anger as a signal that we have been wounded can we move beyond anger to healing. Holding on to anger--as women, as voters--just keeps us locked in a cycle of bitterness and defensiveness. Anger can point you in the direction of your goal, but staying with anger is like jumping up and down next to the signpost instead of walking down the road the sign points to. This is why I gravitated to Obama. He acknowledges the hurt that this country has suffered and moves beyond anger to hope, healing, and unity. Let's all stop, acknowledge our anger, and then find a way to put away attacks and instead use our intelligence and compassion to heal the hurt that sparked the anger in the first place. That takes real courage and vulnerability & I think that we are capable of doing it.

Regardless of what the LW does in her relationship, the teen described in her letter is in need of an evaluation by a qualified child psychologist. As a professional, my reading of the LW's description of this teen suggested possible evaluation for a diagnosis of depression, dysthymia, Asperger's syndrome, and/or developmental delays. The evaluation is warranted given the problems described, particularly in the context of a maternal family history for mental illness. Please do this so this teen has a chance to do her best in life, rather than go through adolescence and beyond without the special support she may legitimately need.

Exquisite Koi - you bring up a good point. Adolescence is a time of emotional ups and downs, figuring out one's identity, awkwardness, limit-testing, etc. Just because an adolescent is exhibiting behavior that falls into one or many of those categories does NOT mean they have a mental disorder. Likewise, a diagnosis of a mental disorder does NOT, and *should not* automatically lead to medication. If the teen saw a licensed behavioral child psychologist, for example, if it were warranted she might receive treatment that taught her both life- and social-skills, helped her manage her emotions, and provided opportunities for increasing pleasant activities that build self-efficacy (the sense that one can be efficacious facing challenges, etc.). This treatment repertoire is scientifically supported to help teens with depression, Asperger's, anxiety and many other diagnoses without medication. A good psychologist will also help a teen see their problems in context vs. as a global condemnation of themselves, and will counsel, educate, and train parents to help them be more effective care-takers for their child.

In addition, you are right that a diagnosis on its own is useless. Ideally, a diagnosis is a way of conceptualizing the particular problems an adolescent is facing when they cause impairment in life that is outside the norm expected for adolescents of the same age, gender, etc. It's only useful if it points a qualified professional toward an efficacious treatment plan.

My understanding is that many people are suggesting an evaluation and therapy for this kiddo because they hope she will get quality understanding and care from a competent adult. Getting a good, professional evaluation and some counseling for the teen individually or with her family is a reasonable step to take in a situation like this - i.e., when people are considering leaving the household due to interpersonal problems, when the teen is at risk for failure in life, or when there is parental neglect. It may be a good to, first, help others understand where this girl is coming from and, second, to help her be her best self (meaning living how SHE wants to, which could mean helping her with life-skills for functioning academically or occupationally while spending a big chunk of her time reading her favorite fantasy novels).

It's also helpful to realize that many teens are referred to treatment when people outside the biological (or adoptive) family unit, like step-parents or SOs, get overwhelmed by behavior that the primary care-givers have grown accustomed to or think is beyond help, etc. This LW's cry for help isn't particularly compassionate, but it's not unusual for someone who is struggling to integrate into a dysfunctional family system.

Finally, this teen's apparently persistent struggles with socialization with others, life tasks and hygiene, & normative academic work, and her apparent isolation ARE all common symptoms to depression, Asperger's, dysthymia, developmental delays and/or learning disorders - OR they may not be clinical symptoms at all. A good, fair, and professional evaluation would gather all the facts and attempt to answer the question of what's going on & what will help this teen. It's absolutely true that she may not warrant a diagnosis, but she may benefit from help as well.

So, Exquisite Koi, I know I didn't talk to you like you are stupid as you asked, but my guess is you're not stupid at all, so I hope this explanation helped...