When introducing Dumm's work, the author sets up a subtle little false dichotomoy between loneliness as a condition of modernity and loneliness as a heritage of our animal past. There is a tendency for people to view these sort of explanations as mutually exclusive, a view that generally leads to the dismissal of one or the other. But our many responses to the current social situation of loneliness can reach down to our animal past -- both sorts of explanations are relevant and complimentary. To understand such a problem, we have to understand the current situations that summon our ancient responses. And knowledge of our biological dispositions in such situations will help us understand action that often appears "irrational" as, rather, according with a different sort of rationality.

...and there was plenty to laugh at in this article. Looks like neuroscientist John Cacioppo is gonna be able to buy lots of happiness if his book sells well enough. Someone ought to compare and contrast what we call happiness in our modern urban civilization and what is happiness in pre-civilized societies with an eye towards seeing if there isn't some part of the brain shrivelling up due to lack of stimulation that is relevant to the last few hundred thousand years of human selective pressures. I'd say that if there is something apparent, then it's our utter disconnect from the lifestyles we are adapted to lead through our evolution which included a focus on the natural beauty of ripe fruit hanging and the other features in a natural world and a little less on our preoccupation with what the other monkeys in our colony of cubicles are doing...or thinking..or thinking about doing.

Ah the thought of a santa, red in tooth and claw, bringing a large skin filled with the delicacies of a fresh kill. That will bring the gang together and reinforce bonding.

That's easy enough for a Buddhist to do, but for a Westerner, who seriously believes that the Self is more than a social construct, this advice probably won't really work. Better to follow the line of thought, in a Scientific kind of way: if not the Self, what?..disigny

Like many here I actually cherish my solitude, though I have to admit I am in the position to do so because I have a mate, real friends, and more than enough acquaintances to amuse and keep me amused should I require it. I'd like to think I'd be happy with my solitude under any condition, but I do not kid myself about this.

I agree with the idea that loneliness has been exacerbated by modern life. Technology makes it more and more possible to entertain oneself rather than seek the company of our fellow humans. Couple this with the modern western social ideal of personal autonomy and self-fulfillment and you get the kind of solipsim that precludes any social interaction that is not immediately convenient. Gaze long enough into your own navel and you lose your peripheral vision. One of the ironic results of this is that we are evolving from a tribal or clan animal into a herd animal. The herd is a lonely place.

This is a question for all those who've said that human contact (especially face time) is a staple of life in itself, and who complain that demanding sex or entertainment or recognition from our relationships only gets in the way.

Suppose you're having one of these encounters we all starve for. A heartfelt conversation with no strings attached. No beeping gadgetry between you two, no lust, no gnawing needs for each other to meet. No scintillating displays of wit either--you are not there to put on a show or watch one.

Now--what are you giving? What are you gaining?

We've already ruled out pleasure, kindness and succor (unless another warm body's presence counts). The actual shared experience is either trivial or beside the point. And possibly the need to be in the same place for this precious moment has subjected you both to traffic jams, awkward pauses, and the other guy's garlic-scented bloviating.

What it comes down to is, you each feel something lacking in your own solitary self, so you try to get it from the other, who doesn't have it either. How does that work? Is the missing element created by some kind of alchemy that happens when you mix? Or are you only filling out a scorecard: "I can WIN completeness if I do this 3 more times today"? I almost hope that what I've been missing is something more than such a depressing primate game.

Sorry if I condescended to anyone, but do please try to set me straight. I'm a geeky ultra-introvert who needs to be explained these things.

I studied happiness and loneliness for my masters thesis many years ago. I know that both are very important predictors of health and well being--happiness increasing health and loneliness decreasing health. I agree that Facebook and MySpace cannot really fill the loneliness gap. That's why I created an updated version of an Edward Hopper painting that was published in "The New York Times."

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/09/books/review/Letters-t-004.html

oy vey has written:

"... you learn a lot about yourself if you spend time alone..."

and I think that probably all of can subscribe wholeheartedly to this. And a propos of this, I have a queston:

Have any others, after being in and around throngs of people and fitting in for long periods of time with all the expectations and self-imposed acceptances of world views and lockbox reaction patterns, it occurs to you and to you alone

that you are more than this and hear inside yourself the comforting little voice saying:

"Ah, THERE you are!"

Such moments are rare, and understandably a little unnerving,

but pure gold. Has this happened to others, or am I uniquely 'gifted'?

it is Darwinism at its finest.

loneliness is the fault of the lonely. nobody owes you ANYTHING.

If you admit to loneliness....there is a small army of people waiting to pounce on you to attack the you for being lonely.

In other words, the lonely are self-absored jerks and that must be why they are lonely.

Sheesh!

No wonder lonliness is on the rise.

America has really devolved into just a culture of holier-than-thou assholes.

Finding people to really and truly connect with is very, very difficult.

The premise (amongs the holier-than-thous) is that deep, intimate friendships are easy! Just introduce yourself to someone on the street and -- bingo! -- you've got a best buddy that not only understands your deepests thoughts but will stand by you for think and thin!

Riiiiiigth.

If only it were that easy.

But try explaining that to the holier-than-thous lecturing the lonely on how "easy" it is to create deep, intimate lifelong friendships.