I can’t help but wonder if the people who insist that making close, personal friends is “easy” really have any close, personal friends?

Nodding hello to someone at work is NOT a deep, personal friendship. Is that what these people seem to think it is?

Chit chatting about the latest episode of Survivor with co-workers or casual acquaintances is not the same thing as a serious heart-to-heart with someone you truly trust and respect. Is this where the holier-than-thous are getting confused? Do they think it is the same thing?

I chit chat and bullshit with tons of people….but I am fairly lonely because those are not emotionally significant relationships.

This is what is meant by being alone in a crowd. You surrounded by people and you’re interacting with them on a superficial level...but it is not an emotionally significant relationship!

I don’t know. It’s starting to seem like the subtle difference between making a casual acquaintance and having an emotional significant emotional connection with someone is a distinction that is hopelessly beyond the ability of many on this thread to understand.

Bullshitting about the weather or the latest episode of Prison Break? Easy. We all do it.

Actually have a serious friend that you can truly count on for emotional support? Much, much rarer and much harder to find.

Do they understand the difference between the two types of relationships?

The thing is not to buy into the Norman Rockwell postcard or what people say. I live in the southern hemisphere, and sometimes that rich smell of summer makes me awfully nostalgic too, and I imagine that everyone is off living these incredible lives, and I'm the only loser writing in my journal. However, I've come to realize something which is a life saver:

1)people can be extremely afraid of being alone and try to blot out any sign of an inner (albeit at times painful) life. If you can't stand yourself alone, you will do just about anything to have company. That doesn't mean happiness lies in numbers. My shrink once told me that inner symbolic presences can be as fulfilling as live humans, and I agree.

2)don't buy into the bullshit of gregarious people being happier. I think a lot of people would disintagle themselves from spouses and family and faux-friends if only they had the guts to stand the noise in their head for two minutes. Simone de Beauvoir had this beautiful line about the anxiety of freedom-- I think loneliness is a price to pay for freedom often times.

We get so entangled in the image we want to project about ourselves to others (and to ourselves) that we often forget no one is looking! I'm not saying it's braver to be lonely, but I think often times it's enticing to want to be what everyone else is or pretends to be.

I'm 31 and single, and it dawned on me a while back that I love my freedom so much (too much perhaps) that I pick carefully who I want to spend time with. According to this evolutionary bull, I guess, the dinosaurs might eat me in my sleep...

I may have gotten your numbers wrong but I appreciate your point. Building satisfying fulfilling, adult relationship can be tough. Don't think your words are falling on deaf ears. I agree with everything you wrote thus far. The people telling "the lonely" to suck it up and get it together, to tough their way out of loneliness or go volunteer at a soup kitchen, have no idea what you (and I at times) are going through. They are often shallow people who are so obsessed with being right, they never actually no what it means to listen and have empathy. I got no advice, but keep on trucking. Stay positive, that is the best you can do.

As a prior poster put it, loneliness and being alone are different. I've been to the homes of well-meaning friends for holiday celebrations, and while I was of good cheer, I wasn't really a part of it all. The annual mid-winter consumer festival is meant for family, and over the years, mine has died off or otherwise departed. For me, those holiday gatherings were pretty bleak.

So I've developed another tradition. I go on an overnight backpacking trip in the local mountains. This year there's a lot of snow, so I'll head out to a spot with a cave (actually more of a downwind overhang--at least I don't have to drag along a tent) and a wild and awefull view, and build a fire, maybe read a little and look around. No moon makes it even better! Actually, this has become my favorite time of year.

Portlander. Yes. I guess many felt a tinge of sad.

It's what is felt, and something mysterious, grand,

beyond spoken words. It's transmitted. A essence.

And that is wonderful. Be the recipient, and grieve.

Grief will enhance the inner You. You will be better.

It's a Idea I once read, and from experience, Believe.

As Scorpio69 'hinted' chew on marbles? I tease you.

Chew the Red Mule brand of chewing tobacco? `No.

Ya will cause people to shun you. Yuck. Brown chins?

Who wants chewing tobacco drips on their keyboard?

Loneliness will accomplish a good work. Saturn visit?

I read that. Especially in winter seasons,` Oh, Saturn!

Saturn will cause the melancholic blue moods. Maybe.

True? It's a old belief before paid 'shrinks' grabbed $$$.

In past era's, the Melancholy was believed to be Great.

Winter was for inward reflecting. Take the garden walk.

Springtime will be greatly appreciated.*If it were not bleak,

and cold seasons, a warmth, a splendor, a bloom of Spring,

would never be appreciated. Spring's joy would never become.

Such beauty! And the grandeur so lovely. Melancholy precedes,

and then arrives the breaking forth, the unfolding, the majestic.

So, hang in there. All individuals, and fellow community benefits.

Maybe if you chew marbles, remember to not swallow. So, chew?

No. If you chew tobacco, don't leave a yucky wad on the keyboard.

The insane are those war-folk who are damn numb. Dead. Hard as rusted door nails?

I can be vulnerable? But, I share this: `For eight days, I was in intensive care. I hope I learned this:`To cease breathing in- is as easy as apple pie. huh. It was almost tempting to cease one more inhale. For eight days I remained wide awake. The reason? Not that I feared Death. But I kept remembering people who loved me, and I sure love them too. I would remain on Earth to keep enjoying those I love to banter with. It was a easy decision to keep breathing. All I am saying:`After the mechanical breathing machine gadget was 'yanked' from my chest cavity, and I was breathing on my lonesome own self,

it amazed me how easy, and with no actual fear,

a person can will to not inhale. No easy to explain.

It's a personal thing. But, life! Life is here also. Ay.

I'd sure not lie.

I'd be honest.

Fear the Lies.

Try to be alive.

Shun bad folk.

OY! O miseries.

Cook cookies.

Soup, milk too.

Easy on beers.