When introducing Dumm's work, the author sets up a subtle little false dichotomoy between loneliness as a condition of modernity and loneliness as a heritage of our animal past. There is a tendency for people to view these sort of explanations as mutually exclusive, a view that generally leads to the dismissal of one or the other. But our many responses to the current social situation of loneliness can reach down to our animal past -- both sorts of explanations are relevant and complimentary. To understand such a problem, we have to understand the current situations that summon our ancient responses. And knowledge of our biological dispositions in such situations will help us understand action that often appears "irrational" as, rather, according with a different sort of rationality.

Funny how we STILL hear from the rugged individuals in a forum on loneliness where people are pouring their guts out. The tough guys/gals who tell you to toughen up, keep a stiff upper lip and quit crying; the ones who tell you to feel guilty for feeling lonely because there are starving people in Africa. They have to be Repugnicans...they are least civilized humans on the planet, the few, the proud, the the selfish. They are the ones who received no love as children.

Me, I have a best friend I haven't seen for five or ten years but we will always be friends. I have a lover I lost and will forever love and miss. I have a child I care about. But today and many days past my best friend is a pill that helps me forget. My pill never lets me down.

So to the tough guys: back off and stay out of my way. You will be better off for it.

The sciobiologists might attempt to make an anology between television and fire, as many people have long since done anyway; but speculation on how human interaction evolved circa one million years ago tends to rely heavily on modern anthropological research which, of course, is always flawed to some extent by the very presence of the anthropologist who might be viewed as either an honored guest or, far more likely, as an intruder.

Isn't it odd that two of American popular culture's most successful and long-running television shows, "Seinfeld" and "Friends" (and of course "M*A*S*H" would also fall into this category) convey the kinds of intimate and lasting bonds of friendship which most people only enjoy as children?

I realized years ago that religious groupings formed in large measure because people wanted to feel a sense of friendly and non-threatening conection between one another, and that this very desire served as a powerful stimulus to attend one church or another---not because of some profound belief in a theological entity ever-present within them; although, obviously, some of these same people will vigorously assert that the latter is the reason that they attend church on a regular basis.

Donald Gardner Stacy

Thank you for your thoughts. I realize that my frequent references to the loss of my wife may annoy some people and I apologize to those, but, even after one year, the feeling of aloneness is crushing.

My best wishes to all Salonistas, even the trolls.

Darrell

1. I'd say technology has helped a great deal in assuaging loneliness. Tribal culture is great when you feel connected to the tribe. But if you feel inherently disconnected, then it's nice to know there are other tribes out there, and how to find them.

2. I see much talk in these responses about Buddhism and the idea of "confronting the nature of the self". I'd like to emphasize that solitary meditation is *the most advanced* stage on the Buddhist journey. Getting there required years of interpersonal practice and communal living.

I think there is a real danger in asking lonely people to tackle the most challenging confrontation (with the nature of the self) when they are feeling their most vulnerable. It's like asking a sick man to cure himself by climbing a mountain-- possible, but unlikely. There are safer ways to go about healing, and Buddhism, as I understand it, presents many simple, usable ideas (like friendships) that lay the groundwork for ultimate liberation. So please, lonely people, don't feel like you should be tackling your loneliness all alone! Go out there and

More than one recent study indicates that holiday blues are an overemphasized phenomenon. Around the holidays people usually have more social support than other times. More suicides happen during the summer.

maybe lonliness stems from the very origins of our existance? connecting to your mother in the womb for 9 months, being completely dependent on others for several years. yes, a desire for social connections is not hard to understand.

As a child, I was raised by a clinically depressed stay-at-home mom and a manic depressive alcoholic dad. However, instead of feeling sorry for myself in my perpetually awkward state, I turned to my education, my sense of adventure, and the occasional dose of humility that comes with growing up. I found solace, religion, and feminism all about the same time, and let those principles guide me when my parents could/would not.

Because things weren't perfect at home, there were no expectations beyond the typical participator holiday rituals -- which usually ended on a sour note -- and as soon as I was old enough to abandon what I perceived as bull crap masquerading as family connection, I got out and decided to create my own adopted family of friends and like minds.

I highly recommend this approach to anyone feeling "lonely" over the holidays: instead of sitting on your arse whining and feeling sorry for yourselves, go out into your community and make some connections! Are you an artist? Are you religious? Love animals, cooking, repairing cars? Want to learn a new skill, like welding, playing the fiddle, knitting, or choral singing? For crying out loud, use your ideas, skills, desires and talents for meeting your neighbors and other like minds! If anything, the internet facilitates our ability to find and meet like minds face-to-face, not the opposite. If you're feeling lonely because of time spent on the internet, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!

We are usually only as lonely as we make ourselves.