And there is no love/hate... only hate... and the husbands are worse than the wives...

Why in the world would anyone on the planet want to watch this crap?

The number of hours that most Americans spend in front of the television set is shameful. The fact that several of those hours get devoted risible nonsense like this isn't just shameful--it's also puzzling. I mean, seriously? This is an acceptable use of one's time?

Here's a proposal: Salon, ask Heather Havrilesky to spend a few months *not* watching television. Require her to take a class or go on walks or read books or jog on the treadmill. Then, once her sabbatical from television has ended, require her to watch the season premiere of Housewives. She can then write an essay about the episode.

Here, I'll even provide the essay's first two sentences: "Good god, what a waste of time. Why in the world would anyone on the planet want to watch this crap?"

I'm trying to decide which group of Housewives disturbs/fascinates me the most. The OC group was shallow but had a certain innocence and grit--they keep going through mulitple marriages and abrupt changes of fortune. The NY group were admirable in their focus on their kids, but seemed much nastier in their social dynamics. Overall, I think I'd rather be rich and shiftless on the West Coast, raise kids on the East Coast.

If you want to know why the Democrats lose year after year. Get over yourself, Goblin. These shows are a modern version of "check out the neanderthals in the next cave" and satisfy our fundamental curiousity about how other people live. Sorry you're too intellectual to appreciate it.

I agree. I take three classes a week, work a full time job, have friends, and volunteer. Nothing makes me melt and zone out than watching these housewives. I have plenty of things that I accomplish in my life. I suppose Goblin isn't one for relaxing.

Heather, I LOVED you analysis. I, too , struggle with the OC girls vs. the NYC girls. In OC they are so stupid an innocent, the NYC girls are much more intelligent, but with that intelligence, they sure know how to dig into people.

For the record, with Alex and Simon, loving your husband/wife is not a crime.

Can't wait for season two!

Forbid your television critic to watch television! Then make her write about something completely unrelated to her job!

Heather, you never address the various successful and not-so-successful plastic surgeries on both shows...

The OC women put the plastic surgery question right out there--we saw their addictions to Botox and various other "enhancements" (I use that term lightly because I think Lori is a beatiful woman who has been done in by plastic surgery...it's too bad she couldn't have aged more gracefully).

Anyway, it's clear that Ramona had some sort of weird eye surgery of some kind. Or maybe her eyes are just a reflection of that manic personality of hers? But the NYC wives don't seem to be ruined by plastic surgery the way the OC wives are. Overall, they appeared to have more natural appearances, and maybe that contributes to why they seem more intelligent, too?

A real housewife cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids, runs errands, provides moral/emotional support for the breadwinner, and handles many of the fiduciary/budgeting concerns of the household. She may even juggle a full- or part-time job/career along with all her domestic duties.

Anyone who hands the majority of that work off to another person (or in the case of women of this level of wealth, a staff of people) does not deserve to be honored by the term "housewife."

These women are well-paid prostitutes who married their best john.

Heather, thanks for covering what has quickly become my new obsession. This show rocks the cringe-inducing/fascinating angle to perfection. My favorite housewife is Jill, who seems the most generous of spirit of the group. And my favorite "love to hate" is LuAnn, who takes herself and her "station in life" (which she married into, by the way) so unbelievably seriously.

Can't wait for the reunion!!

but god help me, when this show is on, I can't stop watching, despite loathing every one of these people. I noticed that Bethenny's defining characteristic got left out: desperation to get married and have a child while her boyfriend is completely uninterested. The codependent couple is particularly appalling: the social climbing is laughable. I'm surprised that they deign to live in Brooklyn.

...when they've got a show on basic cable?

Implicit in the remark about "why Democrats lose year after year" is a belief that they're simply not pandering enough.

As far as the show, it's not The Sopranos or Best of Youth or even Project Runway. It's about a bunch of big-titted bottle-blond space cadets who snipe at each other and buy expensive shoes. The only thing between this show and the barrel's bottom is Jerry Springer, and he's feeling cramped.

This show sounds like the second-worst way to spend your time. The worst way is to watch this show while pounding a nail through your testicles.

And my proposal was a serious one: spend a few months away from any and all television and see whether your perspective changes when you return to it.

I got hooked by watching at the gym, and found myself taping episodes at home. That never happened with the OC wives--too dull, because they just confirmed the sense that So. Cal population in general aspired to perpetual adolescence. Yawn. But the NY wives aren't dull--just kind of amazing that they are willing to expose the amount of thought and energy they expend at nakedly pursuing Manhattan-league status. Once you admit how calculated it is, don't you necessarily lose the game? or at least lose lots of points? Alex and her husband are almost too embarrassing to watch.

No, the reason the Democrats lose is because they think they're smarter than everyone else and patronize the rest of us so mercilessly that we vote against our best interests out of spite. Best of Youth?! Geez, Wood Goblin, you're making me want to cook up some of Cindy McCain's family recipes right now!