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Sunday, January 14, 2007 12:00 AM

I Like to Watch

The lusty ladies of "The L Word" take an early lead in our first On-the-Nose Dialogue Contest. Plus: Who's more dangerous, Jack Bauer or Jack Osbourne?

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  • Saturday, January 13, 2007 09:30 PM

    ONE bit of professionalism, and questions about Showtime.

    She got the first four episodes of "24" and, by gosh, she didn't bust the release date. I know she won't have anything relevant to say about the series, but at least she learned one bit of professionalism, and so won't be banned from any other future goodies from NBC and Real Time Productions.

    Of course, anybody that cares about the series, and who knows that the Internet is more than just "web sites," has already downloaded those four episodes. Others know that the series is being relaunched with two nights of double episodes, to try to make a splash against the other returning shows like "Lost" and "Heroes." And to show that I have at least the minimal professionalism of Havrilesky, I won't comment either.

    In the meantime, what is this about Showtime's attempt to establish itself as The Gay Network? Besides "The L Word," they ran "Queer As Folk" and the terrible Internet cartoon "Queer Duck." I've only seen these shows when travelling, on hotel TV; I dropped the Showtime network years ago.

    Back then, Showtime tried to establish itself with original shows, most of which betrayed a New York/theatre attitude that was refreshing. They made a series based on the play "Steambath," about the afterlife being a locker room, with God as a pissed-off Puerto Rican towel attendant. They were the last venue for "SCTV," with only a fraction of the show's original energy - making it twice as good as any other sketch show. "It's Gary Shandling's Show" was one of the few wiseass takes on the standard sitcom that actually worked. They let John Byner and Bob Einstein have a free comic hand with "Bizarre." And they had the first entertaining show about gay life, "Brothers."

    None of those shows had legs. They didn't bring in droves of people to subscribe to the network. Aside from "Shandling," the shows weren't syndicated to broadcast TV. About the only thing Showtime had was slightly lowered censorship standards about sex and nudity, compared to HBO. And slowly, the network started emphasizing that aspect, with the revenge (with nudity!) show "Red Shoe Diaries," the romance (with nudity!) "Love Street" and assorted junk movies (with nudity!)

    The non-sex shows that Showtime has, like "Jeremiah" and "Dead Like Me," haven't gained any legs; I think only "Dead" is running on basic cable now. The sex shows can't make it to other cable networks; it isn't simply a matter of covering up obscenities and nudity like the censored "Sopranos", since the obscenities and nudity are all that's in those shows.

    It's a good question why Showtime has decided to chase a niche audience of gays and lesbians, with programming that isn't any more vital or dramatic than, say, a Polish polka party show or an old-style country and gospel music show. And why Showtime has decided this programming slate will bring them any success. Not that you'll see that question asked in this column.

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