Letters to the Editor
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You're right, Ms. H. Women should all give up on men.
I have often puzzled about where Heather Havrilesky was coming from. She reviews television, a medium she clearly thinks is below contempt. She thinks even less of the people who read her column, since anyone who would waste their time watching such a medium - and look for serious commentary on it - is clearly a RE-tard.
Well, that's not so sophisticated an attitude. Every person who writes cultural criticism for the "free" community newspapers - the ones financed by ads for gay escort services and tattoo parlors - adopts the same attitude of contempt. After all, for quite a few self-elected intellectuals of any political stripe, you're defined by who you spit upon.
But here, she pretty much gives it all away, by picking four ugly male stereotypes and pointing out how badly they treat women. She could have included sitcom husbands and boyfriends, TV hosts, even the Fab Five of "Queer Eye," but she was obviously trying to build a case against men. Her intentions are painted clearly from all the tar on her brush, and by the fact that the article is addressed to women.
Warning to all women: do not accept any beverages from Ms. Havrilesky, or drink anything in her vicinity. The drink will contain roofies, the room will spin, and you'll eventually find yourself naked and strapped to a cold marble designer table in a Tribeca loft.
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True Confession: I am a whoring sea donkey
(whew)
I just needed to get that out there. Man, I feel better now.
P.S. This article was hilarious -- but the letters will be even better.
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Wow...
Articles like this are why I still read Salon.
This thing had me giggling for 10 straight minutes.
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Funny!
Great article!
I can remember how back in my "X-Files" days us ladies would be swooning about Fox Mulder and how long it would take us to get him into bed. All us ladies would be complaining about how blind to the hottness that is Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and how she wasn't seeing what we were.
But like the other male characters, Mulder has his nasty problems too, so it figures.... does every male dramatic character have to be a tourtured soul? I mean, honestly...really?
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Correction
What I meaned to say was how Scully could be so blind to the hottness that is Fox Mulder.
Sorry about that.
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I Like To Read
Heather at her best. Hilarious, yes. But what are we laughing at?
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Slim Pickens
It's all too obvious who the right choice is. I mean, come on, who wants the milquetoast that is Jeff Probst? Not me. I can get the local variety of Flav at the corner market, and much cheaper too. So if I'm going to be with a guy who deals with scumbags for a living all day long, at least let it be a guy who deals with hifalutin' miscreants rather than lowlife cretins. Give me Jack Bauer already! I would have, like, a million of his babies. Plus, he's got much better hair than Vic.
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So Funny!
Easily one of the funniest articles Ms. Havrilesky's posted in a while. I'm a tad surprised she didn't add Ian McShane ("Gruff. Not fond of bathing. Uses 'cocksucker' as both a verb and a noun.") but that hardly takes away from the piece. Ms. H's comedic ability is still in fine form. Seems only logivcal that she should follow up with an essay on TV's female archetypes next.
And to anyone who thinks she's just doing a male-bashing dance, get a grip. That's Rebecca Traister's job.
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Is there a doctor in the house?
You missed my hot archetype of choice - the brilliant, witty, iconoclastic asshole: or, Dr. House.
There is nothing as sexy as brains, and when combined with that runner-up, wit/sarcasm - no one else can compare. Throw in his dogged determination to diagnose/treat, convention/legality be damned, and his refusal to give mediocrity and rudeness a pass, and there's not much left wanting.
Ideally he could lose the bum leg, but with that constant come hither dance of brilliance, who cares about actual waltzing? (I'm not saying the handicapped are lesser, I'm talking about a particular tv character) Then again, perhaps he wouldn't be quite such a unitary, delicious wit without that pain and resentment fueling him.
He doesn't treat women like shit, he treats EVERYONE like shit - very democratic. And his longing/love for his smart, spunky ex suggests that even though he's a pain in the ass, at least he isn't the philandering type, nor enamored of brainless bimbosity. So he reads your therapy file: no one is perfect. And, so what if he would never be around? You drop in at the hospital, have a steamy interlude of passion and pithy remarks in some broom closet, and all is sublime.
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What Cynthia said
And I don't even like guys ...
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The #1 drawback re: Jack Bauer...
You forgot to mention: Bauer is the dad of the dumbest and most annoying blonde in the history of television. Kim Bauer. She's Chrissy Snow without the lovability.
"Oh, honey? I know you must be barrelling down that secret CTU highway that gets you from Burbank to Santa Monica in 12 minutes; but it seems as if your precious daughter has been kidnapped by a couple of cougars. Again. (sighing) Yes, I know "DAMMIT!" and all. Can you get back to me asap? I'd really rather not have to leave messages with the tall, skinny, 'can cut concrete with their cheekbones' female agents that you've banged in the past. Understand? Splendid! Toodles. Let me know about the cougar thing."
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Just to add to Cynthia...
House also has a great collection of t-shirts from which to steal.
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eh, not so much
huh?
I guess I dont want enough bad TV, but it was cute in a "Seventeen Magazine" sort of way, not witty in a grown-up intellegent way.
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Again, what is her point?
So Heather's never-ending post-meta-ironic joke remains the same in every column: TV Stupid, But We Know It And Love It.
Okay. And your point?
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What a great quote
Isn't this line fantastic?
".... someone who's liable to treat your emotional needs like they're just another tricky obstacle in a complicated sexual reward challenge"
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We are talking about TV right?
I have been one of Heather's loyal chickens for quite some time it's true, but I think some people are missing the point here. While Ms. H can be quite scathing in her tele-diatribe, I defiantly don't pick up on her "spitting on" the medium or on her "contempt" for us the reader.
I see her doing the same love/hate jitterbug of doom I've been doing with my TV since I was an isolated, nerdy pre-teen. Ahhh, sweet TV, my non-threatening, androgenesis date to the dance. I hate to admit it but, that big grey box is still were I go when I am bored, emotionally unsatisfied, looking for adventure, etc. Sad, right? I know I'm going to get replies from all those people smart enough to have told TV to sit this on out - for good; but we all need an emotional crutch damn it, and if you don't, then... neat. If you're really upset about her poking fun at Television it probably means you just don't have the heart to laugh in the face of your demons.
TV is so engrained in our lives that it needs to be mocked. Any establishment, especially those that hold a lot of power (see most living rooms in America) TV will kill you and anyone you ever loved! It is a poisonous cheese that may look and even at times taste delicious, but it will eventually choke you, or just slowly clog your arteries until it's too late to save your heart. Yay!
Anyway, my point was, I takes great minds to try and nibble tiny holes in the great cheese of monolithic powers that be. Heather takes bigger cheesier bites than your normal TV reviewer, and I, for one, like it. Quite.