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• Saturday, February 7, 2009 10:50 PM

  Whiney morons..

  I have a particular bone to pick with San Francisco, shown the door twice now this season (and in *New York*, home of season one - Top Chef /San Francisco/ - winner Harold Dieterle):

  First, because a chef-testent couldn't make a *souffle*.. I can make a souffle just based on watching a few episodes of Good Eats and Jacques Pepin PBS reruns. I mean, I can actually do it! Its just a little bit of physics and a little bit of chemistry!

  Then, that celery abomination the queen of scallops slung out like so much hash.

  How does celery turn that shade of gray? The celery was supposed to be blanched, not choked to death as if Wayne Brady's meaty hands had slipped around its neck (or Admiral "Bad ass motherfucker" Adama if you will). Don't you know celery is naturally salty?

  Cleveland native and "America's Next Iron Chef" judge of no small controversy Michael Ruhlman rightly describes "Top Chef" chef-testents as "barely out of Applebee's hot line", and I can't say I disagree.

  Tony Bourdain will not soon be appearing on "Top Chef" after supposedly drunkenly blurting out that he thought Padma Lakshmi was an idiot within earshot of a gossip columnist (or more likely, on a blog somewhere).

  While this may be true, as I suspect it might be, that isn't the sort of thing that endears Bourdain to Bravo producers - thin skinned eggheads that they probably are.

  I certainly hope the Soumi Chef wins.. Finland is an under-appreciated country, and America is certainly over-appreciated; grossly so.

  —Christopher Michael Neill Read Christopher Michael Neill's other letters
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