It's pointless to try to insult the idiots on reality TV, or the idiots who produce it, or the idiots who program it on their networks, or any of the trail of idiots leading all the way to Hell.

There are some stupidities that are beyond comment. George Bush is one of them. Reality shows are another. And both will destroy your happiness, your life and your country.

That's some funny @#$%.

Top Chef is fading. Where is the panache of Marcel? The sheer annoyingness of what's his name the wine guy? The hotness of Sam? The goofy charm of Mike? This group doesn't measure up, with possible exception of Fabio.

I've got more reality than I can handle.

The degree of specialization needed to function at that level doesn't allow for much all round physical excellence. Most Olympians are really good at one thing and THAT'S IT.

Or to put it another way; on a finely tuned instrument, the strings are more likely to snap.

~

The last time I watched a lot of TV was on my honeymoon. My wife spent months reading cook books, buying electrical JUNK gadgets: toasters, micro-waves, noisy grinding juicers, toenail manicure buffers, poodle hair clippers, puppy shampoo flea-direction direction pamphlets, sheep/terriers shaver-raiser-blades, manual crank ice-cream makers, and automatic head-curler contraptions. She bought me a fire alarm, and a smoke detector. I stole a portable fire extinguisher. Accidents and emergencies happen. Gads. And still Be a hanging out for another Bright Moon. How do we normal humans remain patient, and stay Alive? Life flies.

I am now a Pa Pa.

`

Back to my old spurned lover-friend, Ms. Heather.

I read cook manuals every chance, as Heather would,

a warranty agreement, Tae Kwon Do books, and a DSM 1V.

My cranky mate sent thank-you letters to my sighing, confused,

half-deranged, sisters, mom and dad, and my dearest out-laws.

It takes a crew to tango. I never chose to were the marriage toe ring.

Heather!:!, I use to love my wife's friend named, Heather. She snarl at me?

Yes. Some brain damage is incurable? Heather got called:`Hay, Henrietta!

I'd say:` Stop over to help plan the wedding, Henrietta? Heather was mad.

I'd quickly try to correct a innocent mistake, but then call Heather:` O, Henry!

Henry was short for Henrietta. Heather would stomp her foot and kick my shin.

Purple shins, lips, and purple top turnips make excellent CBS's "Top Chef" Boo-Bravo's?

If you greet the CEO at CBS, please warn investors to not let a Doberman use a beet juicer.

The Doberman Pincher may stick her paw into the Seasonal Gift Juicer. I hate red dog paws.

I just saying:`I wish Salon would cease and desist writing about politics. Write about Gardens.

`

~

I remember why I 'hit' `Send a letter.

Bob Canard is a must read. Buy a tape?

Acres- The Voice of ECO Agriculture!

I met thee Hick last year in Kentucky.

You may fall in love with Bob Canard?

I said he should write of puppy-love?

In Mandarin, write of Alaskan moons.

Hope Bob Canard can read UT-Salon.

www.acresusa.com / *great resources.

Bob Canard appreciates the Nature of Nature- How to grow the Best Food Possible. To Grow the Best: The Remarkable Potential Awaiting Farmers Who Accept the Challenges.

Listen to John Ikerd- Farming For Profit and Quality of Life? Read Bruce Taino?

`Plant Nutrient Interactions. O, Awe.

`Hay, Heather? One more question?

`You ever get called:`O, Henrietta?

~

I failed to be teachable about How to get a new-sign-in-name? My e-mail was not acceptable?

I like the other Open Salon Page. I was gonna be Limp Celery? O, well, I enjoy the reads anyhow.

Lu Lu is the farm beg black poodle.

I often get dumped off Mystery-UT.

Lu Lu and Ringo the gold Lab do it.

Wild. Watch them love each others?

In the green house stare and chews.

Chew spinach. SKip desserts. Senile.

Slip into coherence for one moment.

Blogs are like eating great salads.Ay.

Peering at Lu Lu and Ringo? Hovering.

It is more wild than high school lunch.

Then you become happy ya' get older?

It's a ride on the 3- wheel blue tricycle.

While Dan and Andrew are of my tribe, the very fact they made it to the final free makes me question the fairness of G-d all mighty.

I am sure there are plenty of Jews that would be worthy of winning a millions in a race around the world, but these two are not it. They are neither entertaining to watch, nor are they good competitors.

In the world of "reality" tv, you don't need to be smart, good, or even pretty but you do need to be worth watching. Dan and Andrew are TIVO™ 30 second skip magnets in my book.

And anyone that I have to fast forward though doesn't deserve $1,000,000.

I'm very proud to say that I have NOT watched one segment of ANY reality TV show, nor one segment of any cooking show. Quite

frankly, if the only options were a reality or cooking show or

Gilligan's Island re-runs, I'd watch Gilligan.

It's true that the rag-tag team of Kenny, Crystal, Susie, and Sugar aren't lovable. But I have enjoyed seeing them take down the Beautiful People, those young, fit Caucasian Attractives (very many of them sales reps for drug companies) who are always the insiders on Survivor.

Sugar, who qualifies for that photogenic team, is just too odd and contrary to have ingratiated herself with them--and it makes me like her. Crystal, with her light eyes and athletically trained body, is among the most striking looking people ever on this series, and her inability to compete in challenges (except for the time she dragged a resisting man across the ground) is so bizarre it's fascinating. Susie is so clueless at times I keep thinking she's faking it; every once in a while she says something right on the money, as when she diagnosed Randy as someone more to be pitied than hated. (But that's more generous than I could ever have been if forced to live in close quarters with that loathsome personality.) Kenny is a gamer--hapless, lacking in social skills, detached.

As lacking as they are in gung-ho energy or TV charm, they instinctively banded together and defeated the golden boys and skinny blond girls who are always the central players. And they're the first ones to figure this out after so many seasons.

That said, Bob should win--he's one of a kind. Talk about a new type. The laconic, ingenious Yankee deserves the big bucks.