Letters to the Editor
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the truth hurts
1. on Hell's Kitchen, the cooks actually know what they're dealing with. yes, we all know Gorden Ramsey has a temper. snooz. it's like any "Survivor" contestent after season one knowing they don't need strategy and to act like a basic stereotype. do your homework people.
however, especially after watching any episode of "Kitchen Nightmare" you also know GR has the bottom line and the customer's satisfaction in mind. something Top Chef (as much as I'm addicted to it) doesn't ever address.
2. ANTM takes place somewhere between Jay Manuel's hair color and Tyra's
"be donk a donk". ad a former professional in that industry, none of the shoots ever seemed very reality based. MMAS however was at least grounded in photographers we'd actually heard of before. yeah, "Bronnie" was tiresome (if only because I thought Ronnie could do better) but it was - for the most part - less about pointing out how catty young girls can be.
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the food is just an excuse
It's really all about people bopping each other à la the Three Stooges, symbolically or otherwise. And we are happy to watch them do it.
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I've already talked about the Robitussin-head Ramsay...
...in the other Salon article Havrilesky referenced. As far as this article, although it's a little loose, she conducted herself well.
But...maybe I'm just crazy. The only reason I, a heterosexual (albeit non-practicing) male, would want to watch a cooking show is to learn something useful for my own cooking, which I will usually eat alone. The overpriced, overhyped, crap dishes made by both these cooking shows have nothing to do with real-life cooking. And the thought of these people wanting to please this man I previously called a "poultroon"... Look. You can't please Satan, kids. Ever, ever, ever. Just turn your back on him and his "fresh ingredients" lies and walk away.
As for the other show, I was going to go in with Havrilesky to see if we could get them to make two supermodels and get a bulk-order rate. But then I remembered they die of heroin overdose, anorexia or abusive Mafia boyfriends far too quickly to be worth keeping. Not to mention they're self-centered and suicidally dull. So, she'll have to get hers made just for herself. Sorry.
And why network suits believe we would buy into the faux/Faux/FOX drama of these awful people is one of the programming questions of the ages. Perhaps it's time to dissect Oprah's Big Give, where ineffective charitable giving gets you voted off the island and there is no sacrifice by any of the participants, making it false charity. And all to promote Oprah. That's far more fertile ground for examining hypocracy than these "same old" reality shows. Just a suggestion, Ms. H.
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Only three..
Only three more Torchwood's left this seasons.. you know you want to write it up. :)
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Life is too short for TV
Every minute spent watching this trash is a minute of your life wasted.
Life is too short to waste on this shit.
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Forget all the rest
Step It Up and Dance has reached an entirely new level of cringeworthiness. Its my new favorite show.
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Spoilers for overseas readers!
A lot of US shows are screened overseas up to -- and over -- a year after they're screened in the US. Salon has a lot of overseas readers. Can you please put spoiler alerts before stating the winner of any reality TV show, no matter how ancient it seems to you?
Reading this, I just had the winner of Top Chef season 3 (currently screening in New Zealand) spoiled. It's happened before with ANTM (we haven't had season 9 here yet).
America sells so much unbelievably crappy and yet highly addictive television to foreign markets, please don't ruin the endings or there'll be not even a shred of enjoyment to be wrung from it.
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annabellisimo, there's a working policy about this.
It was suggested by Michael Weldon, who used to put out a wonderful magazine and two volumes of cult movie reviews, all with the name "Psychotronic" in their titles.
In one review of a slasher movie, he said something like "I wouldn't reveal the secret identity of the killer in a good movie...he's the female lead's brother! He wears a mask so cheap you can easily identify him!"
Guideline: not spoiling an element in a rotten, exploitative, insulting show would be supporting that show. Spoiling it, and hopefully reducing the foreign income from those shows, is one of the few ways we can get back at these bastards. It's more legal and easier, though less emotionally satisfying, then chaining them to a pipe in their house, which we would then set on fire.
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Amateur Fugu Chef
Would be my choice. Take a bunch of people from other reality shows and set them loose on becoming the next top Fugu Chef. Make sure they spend as much time drunk and angry beforehand. Then watch them spazz out and die on camera as their respiratory system shuts down.
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beg to differ
Hell's Kitchen couldn't keep my attention for even 10 minutes--they never showed the food and, as Heather H. confirmed, the contestants seemed singularly untalented. But Top Chef is altogether different. There's relatively little time devoted to the contestants' feuds or personalities. And the food gets (almost) more star treatment than Padma--the dishes presented in beautifully lit close-ups that make me reach for my phone to make reservations somewhere.
What I love about Top Chef is that it allows unglamorous, ordinary, and sometimes misfit people to earn attention because they have a real skill, work hard, and put themselves on the line. It's pretty much the opposite of the reality TV ethos.
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TV Reviewing
They could not pay me enough to have Ms. Havrilesky's job of working in this sewer; (TV; not Salon). She should change her name to Edwina Norton.
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Top Chef
like Project Runway, is actually (at least partially) about craft: how to make something well. That's what keeps me interested, even though the challenges are ridiculous ("Carve a free-range turkey with one hand tied behind your back!" "Make an evening gown out of dental floss!") and don't accurately represent real-world situations.
I'd *love* to see a "topsy-turvy" episode, where the judges must compete and the contestants judge (maybe the winners from 3 seasons?). I can't imagine Michael Kors or Tom Collichio doing stellar work under these bizarre conditions.
I will say that the Judges' Circle is actually a pretty accurate mirror for grad school portfolio reviews (I was in Design, and I'm sure culinary programs are similar).