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• Saturday, July 19, 2008 03:21 PM

  You know what's sadder than someone with bad taste in music?

  Someone whose taste in music is based on what you're "supposed" to like to be cool.

  I'd like to point out that all music is bad when taken out of context. Bach is not funky. It's difficult to swing dance to Iron Maiden. Yet, judged by the standards of their own genres, Bach and Maiden are both excellent.

  I can enjoy ABBA music while recognizing the elements of it which are considered "bad." Synthesized strings, whee! Can't get me enough of them synthesized strings! Cornball lyrics: my favorite lyrics come from "Nina, Pretty Ballerina"

  Nina, pretty ballerina, now she is the queen of the dancing floor

  This is the moment she's waiting for, just like Cinderella

  (Just like Cinderella)

  If you can listen to "Nina" with a straight face you're stronger than I am. It's a terrible song. Which is exactly the point. It's fun to listen to because it's bad. That's what "cheesy" means.

  Not all ABBA music is quite as cheesy as Nina, but most of it benefits from not being taken too seriously. It has dated. It was a little silly when it was brand new. What makes it classic as opposed to simply laughable is that it has seeds of greatness in there with the silliness. The ladies have lovely voices. The songs are full of energy. The tunes hit the sweet spots.

  Someone further up the thread mentioned Bob Dylan as an example of "good," "serious" music. I haven't been able to listen to Bob Dylan with a straight face ever since a friend pointed out that he sounds like Eddie Murphy doing a Buckwheat impression. It's all context. Listen to Dylan starting from the assumption that it's supposed to be funny, and you'll discover Dylan has at least as many hokey, ungrammatical lyrics as ABBA in their heyday.

  I could drop all the right names to be perceived as having cool taste in music. But that's a loser's game. You know who was the epitome of cool taste in music? Kurt Cobain. He was so damn cool he blew his own brains out because he became popular, and if popularity is proof that music sucks, that meant he had to suck. He left a note explaining all this. While he lies in his grave, considerably less cool people managed to stay alive and write songs, which, while they might not equal the songs Cobain would have written if he were alive, greatly surpass the songs he's written while dead. Cobain considered himself greatly superior to Eddie Vedder, aka the soulless corporate sellout, yet they're really brothers in spirit: Vedder is such a dumbass that he's been sabotaging his own songs to keep them from being "too catchy" because he doesn't want to be popular anymore. Wait a minute... isn't it supposed to be all about the music? What's the difference between damaging the music so the suits will like it and damaging the music so the suits DON'T like it? Not much. Well, maybe a little, actually... the latter wins in terms of meanness. So now meanness is supposed to be some sort of moral victory?

  I can't help but laugh at brightstar saying some college radio is "listenable" and saying he liked Pearl Jam. Poor old Cobain is spinning in his grave at that one.

  —Allie_ Read Allie_'s other letters
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