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• Sunday, July 22, 2007 11:03 AM

  That's it. If it's too deep, bash it.

  Heather's review proved the ability to write has didly squat to do with depth. However, like Heather, I must confess to sharing a similar flaw: Seek out and expose the contradiction, or when I really get lucky, the hypocrisy.

  Because HBO’s John From Cincinnati has taken shape without charts and graphs, Heather whacked it from the get go: "But, to put it in "Deadwood" terms, the current course defies fucking logic. What the hell is going on? Every time I watch it, I feel like I just took some 15-year-old acid I found at the bottom of my sock drawer. Is it just me, or do none of these scenes fit together coherently?”

  That she closed her review by contradicting herself with, "I'm a longtime proponent of big, creative leaps of faith that make no obvious sense," obviously speaks to...I'll get to that later.

  Now in defense of Heather's hypocrisy and lack of depth, let me again confess to my own hypocrisy and lack of depth: I watched two minutes of the opening show without paying attention to the dialogue, and while switching channels I summarily declared to my daughter, "no one will ever buy into a show about a guy from Cincinnati." (Yes, an area in which I kick Heather's butt: pious stupidity. I assumed Mitch's character to be from Cincinnati.)

  Several weeks later, my sister, who for decades was unmercifully counseled and forced to read numerous books on spirituality, called and told me this guy Mitch was just like me - and that if I could make it to the end of the first show, I'd get it. I did that and then some, and at some point I cried out, "Ouch!"

  So Heather, after years of hypocritically pounding spirituality into those closest to me so as to help them - while failing miserably to walk the talk - you can see why this show speaks to me. And might I add, there is no shame in not getting it, or to even be more than a little resentful that you don't.

  As someone who was also lost, but thanks to my sister, I'm found, let me offer my up a few clues. Then it's up to you to do as I did and go back to the beginning and get caught up, or not.

  1) Mitch levitated: The moment that happened should have been your first inkling on logic, or the complete lack thereof from the world we know. Saint Teresa of Avila, a devout meditator, was reported to have levitated on numerous occasions.

  2) John appearing in multiple locations while sleeping in the van with Bill and what's his name: Carlos Castaneda 101 or any other number of spiritual disciplines by which a truly adept master can simultaneously appear in multiple places without leaving their present locale. Oh yeah, and then there was that Jesus guy. Speaking of which: Jesus of Nazareth - John from Cincinnati. Get it?

  3) "The end of last week's episode, when John suddenly started speaking in non sequiturs as the massive ensemble cast stood around listening:" If the writers follow the "logic" of the realm they've taken us to, what we witnessed was a healing of sorts for everyone John addressed with his “non sequiturs.” (Castaneda's Don Juan said it was possible for a sorcerer to change historical events as if they never happened. Allegedly, Saint Teresa did just that.)

  Now Heather, should you decide to suspend your insatiable need for logic, and go back and "catch up," I predict "something wonderful is going to happen." (2001 Space Odyssey)

  Not because of divine intervention in your life - but from the cumulative effect of watching the nonsensical transformation in each character of the show - and the repeated occurrences of divine intervention in their lives. Who knows, you might decide that all things are possible for you too, by stopping right where you’re at, and questioning the banality of your life. Not unlike how you opened up your column. (This is where you cry out: Ouch!)

  Sure there’s more to it, but what would be the fun in laying it all it out. Besides, there's that other thing that I epitomize: Knowledge has didly squat to do with doing (stole that from Dan Millman’s movie, Way of the Peaceful Warrior). Because if I was any good at this stuff my script would have sold long ago and you'd be on your way to, heaven help me, review my movie.)

  —chazponz Read chazponz's other letters
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