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Wednesday, December 26, 2007 12:00 AM

The year in celebrity scandal

From attention-seeking celebrities to roving nut jobs with automatic weapons to the self-deluded editors of mean-spirited gossip rags, this is the year that media-savvy lunatics took over the asylum.

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  • Wednesday, December 26, 2007 10:04 AM

    An Empire in Decline

    Not to be too grandiose, but isn't our celebrity-obsessed culture merely a symptom of an empire in decline?

    Our economy has been so good (relative to the rest of the world) for so long (relative to the rest of the world), that we haven't needed to care about what most would deem more attention-worthy events. Despite the atrocities being committed in Darfur, it doesn't change the fact that dog food is 8 bucks for a 50 lb bag at Wal-Mart. Despite humankind's impact on global warming, American Idol still comes on at 8 pm on Tuesdays. The point is that despite the real concerns in the world, most Americans' day-to-day lives are unaffected (or at least not noticeably affected - they surely are affected, but not in a way most of us can detect - we're not being drafted, we're not standing in bread lines, etc.).

    This relative womb of safety has led to a shift in priorities, from striving to make it in the world to living la vida aquafina. This has led to an utter lack of intellectual curiosity and an inflated sense of self. Because there's no greater good to contribute to, people see themselves as the only worthwhile goal of life. Technology has merely enabled our national narcissism to flourish - any Tom, Dick, or Jane can start a blog or a podcast, make a ridiculous youtube video that goes viral, or instantly capture what they see on photos, calls, and texts.

    Innovation and knowledge are not high priorities in our current culture, because they do not produce instantaneous gratification in the "me-first" milieu. Watching Paris flounder, Lindsay flash cooch, and Bret Michaels wooing strippers and whores does. Watching a trainwreck instantly makes us feel superior, and what is more important to "me-firsters" than that? Never mind the fact that the me-firsters are too thick to understand or care that the trainwreck was created and focus-grouped precisely to appeal directly to their narcissistic cravings. And the circle goes on.

    Meanwhile, cultures that are facing actual imminent threats continue to gain ground on us, and will soon overtake us in terms of technology, innovation, work ethic, and power. It's inevitable. The best thing our current or next president could do to actually spur our country off its couches and barstools and into action is to reinstate the draft. That'll turn our attention from Britney's crotch to some "real" issues real quick. But those in charge know better. Those In Charge can't thank the paparazzi, and TMZ, and VH1 enough for keeping the people fed a steady diet of pablum while they erode our constitutional protections and expand their tyrannical power. I guess that stuff's important, but I just found a video of Nicole Richie blowing a bronze statue of a dog! Can you believe how skinny she is?

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