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Who would have known a suicide attempt makes you sexier? Sure, you're probably dealing with depression, guilt, despair, and hopelessness, blah blah blah--who cares?! You're hotter than you were before!
So for all those guys who in spite of being handsome, happy, funny, and talented, are not getting much action, here's Heather's advice: Add drama! Maybe a few cuts on the arms? Perhaps doing a little heroin, only if you make sure to show your bruises off. Anything self-destructive will do.
I wonder what else Heather finds sexy: beating up your girl, maybe? ooh, danger... so hot.