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• Saturday, June 9, 2007 12:31 AM

  Checking in to the glass house

  Actually, I think she probably went into withdrawal--she couldn't very well keep taking her Oxycontin in jail. Now, she's probably getting methadone or suboxone to keep her straight until she checks out. Of course, if she would have just hung with the sisters instead of being such a scaredy cat, they would have fixed her up. Being a Hilton, she would have had to pay a larger than customary fee, however, for street drugs. But once she'd cooled out, the girls would have helped her get a little perspective. "Damn, Paris,you're hysterical over a week of time?! I'm in here for 10 more years, and all I did was buy a dime bag. Say, will you ask your lawyer to help me out? I don't have no money, but I'll make sure you feel no pain while you're here. (and I'll keep the sistermen away)."

  The sheriff insists that she has some "really serious problems"--jail is no place for someone like her. I hope all the inmates are listening closely so they can demand equal justice (as long as they haven't killed anybody) next week. At least, demand a private room, uh, cell.

  I'm beginning to think Paris has been concealing either a split personality or premature alzheimer's--both of which which would have explained why she was driving on a suspended license--twice. Seriously, whatever it is, it seems to manifest itself only in jail, not on the Red Carpet or at Puff Diddy's party.

  Straight up.

  I just found my old copy of Soul on Ice--think I'll share it with little sister.

  —Anonymous
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