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Saturday, January 27, 2007 12:00 AM

Welcome to celebrehab

Our clip 'n' save guide to the latest in star makeovers, where the first step is to admit you have a problem and the second step is to get back to partying.

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  • Saturday, January 27, 2007 06:19 PM

    The Good Old Days

    I miss the pre-rehab days, when celebrities had real drug addictions and died from them. Jim Morrison, Keith Moon, John Bonham, Pigpen, Brian Jones, Judy Garland. Marilyn Monroe-- either they died directly from their drugs and drink or from a disease resulting from their addiction of choice. (Morrison's cardiac failure was due to subacute bacterial endocarditis -- SBE, a disease not uncommon among injectiong drug users --- and Pigpen's fatal hemorrhage came from drinking damage. And don't give me any crap about Marilyn Monroe being murdered - that girl was so voluntarily drugged up on movie sets she made Crazy Guggenheim look positively studious ). I liked all of those guys and gals --- but dude, you pays yer money and you takes yer chances.

    Certainly, there was no using rehab back then as a penance for a social faux pas, like calling somebody a faggot or saying the Jews start all the wars. Or exposing your lady parts to salivating paparazzi and thus, to every adolescent and post-adolescent male in the world who has internet access.

    It's sad that singers, artists, rock idols, famous actors and actresses died of drink and drugs in the past, but at least they actually played with fire; at least they lived on the edge and they knew death was a possibilty, if not a probability. The actors, writers and singers nowadays are such wusses. "Waa, I took an Ambien and crashed into a cop car. I need rehab!" "I'm an anti-Semite! Helllp! It's not my fault!"

    Go take a handful of Heminevrin, or chase down a trail mix of barbiturates and aspirin with a bottle of Scotch, bitches! Get real.

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