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Saturday, January 27, 2007 12:00 AM

Welcome to celebrehab

Our clip 'n' save guide to the latest in star makeovers, where the first step is to admit you have a problem and the second step is to get back to partying.

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  • Friday, January 26, 2007 06:09 PM

    I can't resist being the first to post!

    Of course, now that I've started posting, I'm snorkeling around, trying to figure out something to say so that I'll make it to the Editors' Choice section.

    I so hate making a mediocre posting, especially since I am first, and therefore have an obligation to be a role model to all who come after me.

    So, let me say, that four score and seven years ago, I was not here on this earth. That was 1920, at which time there were Giant Celebrities, not the pygmies we have today in our barbarous and fallen times.

    The 1920s had people in serious need of rehab. Zelda and Scott! Dorothy Parker! Ernesto Hemingway! Warren Harding (except that he was already dead--but maybe he needed resurrectin').

    These celebrities of today, with their silly little panty-less episodes and name calling and finger licking--they are but dwarves, midgets, and amoeboid things compared to the goddess and god celebrities of yore.

    I have spoken. I hope this is an Editors' Choice.

    If not, I've wasted several minutes on a Friday night, minutes that shall never come by again.

    I am awaiting the Editors' verdict.

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