I was going to nominate Major Major as Bush, but goodape beat me to it. Colonel Cargill, I think, is too competent and a self made man besides. IRAQ=FUBAR

...George Costanza. Dick Cheney is Jerry Seinfeld. Condi is Elaine and of course Rumsfeld is Kramer.

The Iraq war? It's a war about nothing! It's genius, I'm telling you! And Saddam? Man hands!

Same as the show, the rule for this administration is "no hugging, no learning."

I make that scary Bilbo Baggins monster face when my precious civil liberties are taken away.

of Greek mythology? Democratizing Iraq is certainly a Sisyphean task!

WAR IS PEACE.

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY.

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.

(not to mention Big Brother)

English Fiction

823.78 Santorum's Iraq (Santorum 2006)

823.84 The Lord of the Rings (Tolkein 1955)

The evil empire marches in with its technical superiority and weapons capable of reaping unimaginable destruction! They torture! They blow up civilian populaces! They destroy entire civilizations out of fear of the vulnerabilities of their largest buildings.

But then a rebel, ragtag band fights back, attacking not head on, but at the soft openings, killing those faceless stormtroopers don't give them a 2nd thought!

And they prevail. Pushing the empire back from Iraq... er, Yavin IV.

Sauron was an amazingly powerful wizard who wanted to control the whole world. He commanded immense organized armies or orcs and men along with some highly trained special operatives (Ringwraiths).

Frodo inherited the ring by mystical accident. He and Samwise would as soon have stayed home out of the fuss, but accepted the mission out of a sense of good purpose. The Nine Walkers' (and later the two hobbits') primary advantage is that the enemy didn't know what they were doing. Frodo and Samwise set off across Mordor at great risk to their personal well being and without much planning or intelligence to complete the mission. The Bush Team is no Frodo Baggins (despite inheriting the presidency by mystical accident).

The highly public leaders (Aragorn, Gandalf, and company) created distractions from Minas Tirith to Moranon (the Gate of Mordor) to draw the Eye to the amassing army. Had Sauron canvassed Mordor looking for Hobbits, he would've gained the Ring and ruled the world. The Ring's destruction instead sealed victory for the allies.

How does the metaphor hold up? There's no one-powerful-guy trying to rule the world. Bin Laden wants to cause a lot of terror and shake up the landscape, but he has no Napoleonic desires. Saddam Hussein was contnet to rule his small part of the world. Is Sauron radical Wahabism? Are there some CIA Hobbits about to destroy the life force of violent authoritarian theocratic Islam? That would be a good strategy if three unlikely individuals could single-handedly take out that ideological lynchpin. But destroying an idea is harder than dropping a ring in a fire.

Bush is no master wizard and the neocons don't want a single figure in power forever, just a point of view and a set of policies. The terrorist organizations don't have legion upon legion of orcs; their modus operandi is much more akin to the Nine Walkers. The U.S. does have a massive army invading abroad, possibly leaving the homeland underprotected. Perhaps the White House is Barad-Dur and has turned its eye to Iraq, facing an unlikely alliance, but the incognito Bin Laden will drop the ring in Yucca Mountain. But what's the White House's Ring? Would another terrorist attack in the U.S. cause the administration to crumble? Or would they ban shampoo and toothpaste on subways and turn the attack to their advantage?

Pontius Pilate- Shrub [disinterested, born to privilege, rose through ranks via connections, displays obvious hubris, thinks he's king, only takes care of his friends, only wants to hear what he wants to hear, thinks it's his right to rule other's lands and impose his government on the occupied]

Brian- People with a clue [heart and mind are in the right place, but incorrectly believes leaders and most people he encounters to be equally possessed of sound intelligence and good intentions]

Romans- the republicans, of course [like to control as much of the world as possible "in the national interest," send the less privileged off to do the fighting for them]

People's Front of Judea- Democrats [like lots of talk and very little action]

Reg, the PFJ leader- Joe Lieberman [opportunist who thinks he's a real leader but really doesn't get it- "don't push that baby in the messiah's face!"]

Popular People's Front of Judea- Joe Lieberman [a party of one]

Butt-kissing prisoner- Joe Lieberman [it's Monty Python, one person can play multiple roles and who kisses republican butt better than JL]

Preachers in the public forum- various leaders of the religious right

Preacher in charge of stoning- Pat Robertson

Stoners at stoning- followers of the religious right

Judean People's Front- the neocons [despite obvious logistics problems tried to kidnap Pilate's wife but failed; interestingly, ended up running into the PFJ with a similar plan]

Pilate's wife- the people of Iraq

The setup is ideal: idiots blundering over a cliff with their hands around each others' throats.

If we must deliberately cast, then GWB as Merkin Muffley, Dark Cheney as General Ripper, Rumsfeld as Buck Turgidson. Regrettably, both Ed Teller and Herman Kahn are dead, so there's nobody else smart enough to play Strangelove.

No matter what they do now, somewhere out there is a bomber, with a pilot determined that he's come too far to not drop the thing.

Cue "when johnny comes marching home", in a minor key

Ceasar- Cheney [runs things, but never seen in the movie because he's at an undisclosed location]

People in the courtyard for Pilate's prisoner release- Americans more concerned with being entertained than with policy.

People following Brian- American's that will follow decent sounding policy as long as it's mysterious, cool to do so, and all about themselves, but who turn to new distractions once the limit of their attention span is exceeded.

Henry the K is back in the White House advisory biz, and if he ain't Strangelove I don't know who better qualifies. Same Nazi accent. Same policy pimping. You know his arm twtiches in that "heil" salute.