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Wednesday, October 18, 2006 12:00 AM

Can Frodo save Iraq?

Sen. Rick Santorum thinks the war is distracting the "Eye of Mordor." But we really want to know your fantastical literary metaphors for the war in Iraq!

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  • Wednesday, October 18, 2006 02:50 PM

    Bush as Sauron

    Okay, this goes beyond the idea that "Bush is evil, Sauron was evil... so..." In fact, Sauron's greatest asset was his ability to pretend to be something other than what he was. He would show up as the good guy (to the Elves, he presented himself as Annatar, "the Lord of Gifts", before he betrayed them), get everyone to like them, then pursue an agenda that was completely contrary to what everyone expected.

    I'm sure there was a time when the people of Numenor would have voted Sauron their President. By 51 - 49% vs. Elendil, I'm sure.

    Just the same, Bush has mascaraded himself as a populist strongman, which is completely contrary to his being in reality a pampered worthless weakling. Just the same, Bush has promised his people mountains of gold and world domination, but delivered mountains of gold to his corporate handlers and world domination to the terrorists he has promised to destroy.

    Sauron's original promise to the people of Middle Earth (who came to worship him) was to restore the glory of the old days, to bring peace, prosperity and order to everyone. Little did they know that he intended to also own them. Little did he know that you cannot own people without destroying them. And you can go further, where the Men who wanted power, the Nine who greedily seized the rings Sauron made for them, lost all power to him and became his slaves. These are the members of Congress who had bowed down to Bush's wishes and are now falling down with him.

    If all this sounds eerily similar, that's because Tolkien wasn't making anything up. He wrote about how greatness is corrupted by hubris, narrow-mindedness, greed and folly; the manifestations of this corruption can be found in all of our history. Ramses II, Alexander the Great, Caesar, Borgia, Hitler. And now Bush. This is an old tale.

    (I would say Santorum, in this Great Scheme of Things (tm) would be Gollum... except it's not known whether Santorum has ever been a decent quiet hobbit before his descent into darkness. Maybe. Maybe not.)

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