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Can we spell "Captiluation?"
Evidently not. Loved the rant, though.
Oh, and Birkenhead, I'm sure you know this even if your compatriots on the coasts couldn't identify Lake Michigan on a map, but Chicago is a great city fully of wonderful people who really do mean what they say, with a fantastic theatre culture and a lot less glitter and artificiality than either LA or New York. I'll bet you'd be happy there.
As for me, I'm absolutely sure now that if I die without ever having been to Los Angeles, I won't have missed much.