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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Once again Cintra Wilson proves herself to be completely reliable as a reviewer; if she doesn't like something then you know it's worth watching.
I was very surprised that Crash won Best Picture over the far superior Brokeback Mountain. I guess I am not alone, but I would send a message to the Academy that if they want to see an intelligent and thoughtful film about race relations in America they should rent Do the Right Thing. It makes Crash look like a student film.
Normally I fall on Cintra Wilson's articles with glee, but I think she missed this one by a mile.
Jon Stewart, though dwarfed by that dreadful huge theater, was fine, and the film clips and montages were interesting and very funny.
Playing music through the speeches was unforgiveably rude. The folks at home might make fun, but the Oscars are also about industry achievement and the winners deserved a couple of minutes without bad lounge music playing through it.
There should have been more bad taste, but there was some and how did Cintra miss it?
I was hoping to find out why all the women were painted gold, what the heck was perched on Charlize Theron's shoulder, what the FUCK happened to Dolly Parton's face. I wondered what was running through Matt Dillon's mind all night, as he never changed expression one time. Does Jack Nicholson really have one single, tired schtick? There should be a drinking game where you do a shot when that eyebrow of his pops up. Paul Haggis's wife popped a tit, did Cintra go for a pee at that crucial bad taste moment?
Oh well, most of the viewers had fun (my dinner was delicious!). There's always next year, Cintra.
1. "Glad I don't pay for this." Check.
2. "Snarky is funny when you're twelve but not when you're a lot older." Check.
3. "Lack of references to the text itself makes me wonder whether you have actually read Beowulf, Fred. Did you write this essay before doing the assigned reading? Rather than doing the assigned reading? In any case, this paper earns a zero for failing to meet minimum standards for sophomore lit. F-." Check.
4. Change references to Beowulf to Oscar, Fred to Cintra, etc. Whoops--gotta do.
Cintra, are you sure you were watching the same broadcast? I was watching in high-Def, so I saw all the glamour, sparkle and makeup and I heard every punchline land just where it should have. I thought it was great. Maybe you think that being a critic doesn't allow for praise where it's due. Maybe next year you'll be relegated to the TV guide channel with Joan and her sarcastic (can I say the word?) Bitches of every sex.
Don Goldberg
Since Don Knotts just passed away, he wasn't included in the "In Memoriam" montage. I believe that covers all film notables who passed away in the previous year. Knotts should be included in next year's montage.
P.S.
Dear Salon,
A good feature to include in "Letters" would be a way to reply to individual letter writers, without having to post another letter. Just a suggestion.
I still think Sandra Bernhard would be the ultimate Oscar host.
I loved this article. I can't even be that hard and sarcastic. However, you left out a few attacks. First, what the hell was Jennifer Aniston doing there? She does not have the credentials. It must have been a negotiated arrangement from Brad to relieve himself of any guilt of dumping her. She even had to go up alone, because no one wanted to be associated with a TeeeeeVeeeee actress turned bad film actress.
Second, doesn't Best Film award usually go to the film that also won Best Director? The fact that it did not happen this year proves how political the whole process is. No group looked more shocked about getting Best Film, than the group from Crash. Sure, it was a good film, but what was the take away - that there is racism in America - tell us something we don't know.
Next, I hated The Constant Gardener. It should have been a documentary on the Discovery Channel. I did not think that Michelle Williams would get Best Supporting Actress, because I know how Hollywood thinks ("She's too young, too unseasoned, has not provided us with enough sweat, it does not matter if her perfomance was the "best", you gotta earn it, not deserve it"). Heath and Jake did not get it for the same reasoning, but why the hell did they have to give it to Rachel Weisz in The Constant Gardener, because she has done 20 films instead of 5???
Last, I can forgive Jon Stewart, because I know that he was being controlled, instead of being himself. The ultimate boredom came from the actors themselves, most who seemed to be going through the routine and bored with the whole ceremony itself.
When this article was first posted, as another commenter has pointed out, it had a dateline of March 3, which was Friday. The date has since been changed to March 6 (today), without a word from Salon. Why was the original date wrong?
Given how badly the article misses the target and speaks only in obvious generalities, I think we have plenty of reason to suspect a mailed-in-advance job. Notice that the only particular award winner that Ms. Wilson mentions is Reese Witherspoon, who (most will agree) was by far the easiest slam-dunk in any of the major categories. (She mentions “Crash,” but never actually refers to it as the winner for Best Picture.) She also insists that Jon Stewart bombed, but can never point to any of his particular jokes as an example. Which lines bombed, Ms. Wilson?
The closest she can get to actually talking about the awards is this:
All in all, good people got good awards ... and that's good, I guess. There were some solidly good movies (although I wouldn't have listed "Crash" among them). Philip Seymour Hoffman is a hugely talented guy, as is Ang Lee and George Clooney and Rachel Weisz and etc.
These performers all happened to be winners, sure, but they are never specifically mentioned as such. Ms. Wilson (or an editor) easily could have plugged names into this paragraph before the article was posted.
She also gets some key facts wrong. For example, she writes that “the entertainment industrial complex … disallowed the winning song, ‘It's Hard Out There for a Pimp,’ from using the word ‘bitches’ in the broadcast.” But the article to which she links implies that the decision to censor the lyrics was that of Three 6 Mafia, not the Academy.
Lastly, it is also somewhat curious how someone so busy doing a podcast would have time to write a complete article and have it posted by 9:00 AM Eastern time the next morning. Ms. Wilson must never sleep.
Salon owes its readers an explanation. I certainly hope I'm wrong.
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