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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
So, "Oscar castrates himself" this year, according to Cintra Wilson. "Just when you thought it couldn't possibly get any more wrist-slashingly boring, the boringness collapsed in on itself and became a deadly howling void of terrible sucking from which the light of no star could escape."
Wow! That must be pretty boring. Not like last year, right?
from 2005: "Welcome to wartime Academy Awards: Cheap, tense and cobbled together from graphics rations donated by the E! Channel. Not even Chris Rock or Beyoncé -- or the travesty that is Antonio Banderas -- can save it."
Oh, maybe 2004 was better:
""The Passion of the Frodo" sweeps, and more beautiful stars bravely impersonate the genuinely homely to great success. But all the crooked teeth in New Zealand can't save a dull, dull Oscar night."
Okay, 2003?
"But nobody was able to justify the existence of the Oscars this year. Oscar shot his self-rationalizing power-wad defending himself after 9/11. "
Hmm. 2002? Oh yeah, that was the year that the article was titled: "Somebody make it stop!"
2001? There seems to be no links for that, but there is for 2000: "Untethered hooters! Suave cocksmiths! But even Billy Crystal and Hilary Swank couldn't save a crushingly boring show."
Salon editors! What kind of journalistic Gitmo are you running there! Stop the torture! If you have any decency, you'll let Cintra cover Iraq or Darfur or something more compelling -- and certainly less boring.
Was he, or was he not, listed in the credits as a contributing writer? If he took a pass this year and let Jon and his staff come up with all the material, what a mistake!!!
After reading most of the preceding 7 pages of letters, I've yet to find one that agrees with Cintra Wilson's take on much of the Oscars, especially her conclusion that Jon Stewart bombed. I listened to the live webcast and it seems she spent most of her time thinking up scathing one-liners for the up coming commercial breaks, which is what most of her article today consists of as well. At least Camille had a few interesting comments to make when she wasn't being cut off by Wilson's next joke.
It seems pretty clear who really bombed here. I just hope Wilson has the guts to take it to heart and reign in her knee-jerk, self-serving "cultural criticism."
Sure, Jon Stewart didn't get huge laughs in the room--except for Tom Hanks and George Clooney, the celebrities seemed to be in dead-serious Ryan Phillipe mode--but he did get huge laughs in the living room where I watched the show. Unlike the Borscht Belt-y Billy Crystal, Jon Stewart was not telling inside jokes designed to make Robin Williams laugh. He was looking at Hollywood from the perspective most of us have--from the outside. I loved it.
I gritted my teeth for over three hours watching this embarrassing excuse for an awards show, until the final insult: "Brokeback Mountain" did not take the Best Picture award. That was the only reason I watched, for the euphoric moment when Ang and the Gang would swarm the stage in a supreme moment of validation. I was denied even that. "Crash" was no doubt well-meaning, but audiences had passed judgment on that one almost a year ago. "Brokeback" was everybody's darling. Had it won, I might have been able to forgive Jon Stewart his increible-shrinking-comic act, or Reese Witherspoon her oh-so unspontaneous dollop of acceptance tripe, or even the ignominy of being asked to sympathize with pimps in a "song" so bad a ten-year-old would have had the sense to disown it. Oh, well, there's always the MTV awards. I'm betting on "Brokeback" in the best kiss category, and the Academy Awards in the best kiss-off.
Why why why oh WHY was I surprised that the biggest complaint about the Oscars from Salon would be the NICENESS.
Gosh how do I keep forgetting that the po-mo generation is all about the hate.
Yes yes yes, that's where liberal secular humanism went.
Folks I gotta tell you something -- you are the worst enemies that humanism ever had.
There is no future for the world. Forget it.
Generation Bitch is going to bring the planet to its knees, and there will never be niceness, ever again.
Okay, Jon Stewart rocks in his own world on The Daily Show with large-scale jokes and routines in a small space. He bombed at the Oscars because the opposite pertained: he was doing small-scale humor in a huge space and seemed dwarfed by the hall, the moment, and the audience. It was painful, though not as painful as Chris Rock last year who just tried too damned hard. The Oscars need somebody like Robin Williams or Whoopie, somebody anarchic but who knows the biz. Then you get the great tension between the linear event and the host's eruptions.
Other notes: Cintra gripes about how bad everything was, then says everybody looked natural. Did she take a break when Dolly came on? Wow, those big-ass Steven Tyler lips on a face where nothing moved even when she was singing and tried to smile. It was gruesome and she looked like The Joker with boobs. Speaking of which, who put Selma Hayek in a dress that made her look lopsided? Yikes.
I have absolutely no desire to witness what people who despise niceness are going to do to the world.
-- Why on earth was Ben Stiller invited to give out an award? He's so incredibly irritating and unfunny; probably the most overrated talent in my generation. And the bit went on too long, too. Ugh.
-- I thought Jon Stewart did reasonably well. At least we didn't have to suffer through any "Oprah, Uma" level idiocy. Though I did think the line about toppling the Oscar statue so democracy could rule Hollywood completely didn't work.
-- It's now official: the Best Song category is now a total joke, if it wasn't already.
-- What's funny to me is that of the three people who actually saw all five Best Picture nominees, all three of them said Crash was the worst of the five. Go figure.
-- Where was Don Knotts in the memorial segment?
-- As much as I can't stand George Clooney and his smugness (and persistent head-cocking), I liked his acceptance speech, but only in the way you like what a politician has to say even though you know he's a slimy SOB.
-- Was anyone else mad at Paul Haggis for blubbering and stuttering his way through the Best Screenplay acceptance speech, preventing his partner from speaking before the orchestra cut him off? What a jerk. I hate when the first person talks and talks and talks; be courteous and brief so both people get to talk. Why is this so hard for these people to understand?
-- And what was with the orchestra playing quietly during the speeches? A weird decision and one I hope they don't repeat next year and beyond.
-- Lauren Bacall... wow. Talk about a train wreck. I thought she was two seconds away from doing the Ashlee Simpson hoedown dance.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
