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• Monday, March 6, 2006 07:42 AM

  The De-ballification of Oscar

  I should preface this by stating that I write this from north of the border-- the cold, slouching-toward-the-Bible-Right land of Canada. Our film awards are to the Oscars as donuts are to ass implants. Communist donuts, of course.

  The Oscars are a fascinating study in American popular culture, but I didn't find the 78th broadcast to be any more self-congratulatory than any other. To be sure, the lauded films discuss tense issues, but do so in a way that is more about appeasing the industry's gluttony and superficial ideology than saving the world. There are bigoted cops? Gay men wear jeans under chaps?

  And by the way--we LOVE Jon Stewart here, and while I think he was somewhat constrained by the Academy's mandate, he did manage some well placed jabs. He at times looked as if he was about to bolt for the bar, but who wouldn't when you're facing a roomful of droids who have had their meds hidden?

  What I found most interesting is how Dolly Parton remains upright. That, and the fact that if her face was pulled any tighter she'd fart out the back of her head. And yes, I agree with Cintra Wilson. I'd have liked to seen more franken-tits and drunken rage, but that's more to do with the fact that our new Prime Minister is a smarter version of George W and we need *something* to be indignant about up here.

  —Stephanie
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