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Monday, March 6, 2006 12:00 AM

Oscar castrates himself

The Academy celebrates niceness, bleeps out "bitch" and pats itself on the back for good behavior. And what did they do to poor Jon Stewart?

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  • Monday, March 6, 2006 12:21 PM

    Some notable firsts and jokes Jon Stewart could have used

    Among the notable firsts:

    This is probably the first time a lot of men would see Dolly Parton, and not want to bang her. I thought maybe Stewart might go there, Dolly has cancer, the good news is, it isn't breast cancer. Really I hope she's okay, but what happened to the rest of her?

    Larry McMurtry got his first oscar for Brokeback Mountain, but not for The Last Picture Show. What would Sam the Lion think?

    Brokebroke Mountain might have won, but when the academy figured out the men were sheepherders, and not cowboys they changed their vote. Woody Allen and Gene Wilder could have rescued a plot like that, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask,.

    A couple heavy favorites ran out of the money. Munich was too grey, too ambigious. Good Night and Good Luck was too black and white.

    Crash was the best picture, someone has to win.

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