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• Monday, March 6, 2006 08:52 AM

  Laugh and the world laughs with you, with the exception of Cintra Wilson...

  So, "Oscar castrates himself" this year, according to Cintra Wilson. "Just when you thought it couldn't possibly get any more wrist-slashingly boring, the boringness collapsed in on itself and became a deadly howling void of terrible sucking from which the light of no star could escape."

  Wow! That must be pretty boring. Not like last year, right?

  from 2005: "Welcome to wartime Academy Awards: Cheap, tense and cobbled together from graphics rations donated by the E! Channel. Not even Chris Rock or Beyoncé -- or the travesty that is Antonio Banderas -- can save it."

  Oh, maybe 2004 was better:

  ""The Passion of the Frodo" sweeps, and more beautiful stars bravely impersonate the genuinely homely to great success. But all the crooked teeth in New Zealand can't save a dull, dull Oscar night."

  Okay, 2003?

  "But nobody was able to justify the existence of the Oscars this year. Oscar shot his self-rationalizing power-wad defending himself after 9/11. "

  Hmm. 2002? Oh yeah, that was the year that the article was titled: "Somebody make it stop!"

  2001? There seems to be no links for that, but there is for 2000: "Untethered hooters! Suave cocksmiths! But even Billy Crystal and Hilary Swank couldn't save a crushingly boring show."

  Salon editors! What kind of journalistic Gitmo are you running there! Stop the torture! If you have any decency, you'll let Cintra cover Iraq or Darfur or something more compelling -- and certainly less boring.

  —lettuce1001 Read lettuce1001's other letters
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