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Monday, March 6, 2006 12:00 AM

Oscar castrates himself

The Academy celebrates niceness, bleeps out "bitch" and pats itself on the back for good behavior. And what did they do to poor Jon Stewart?
By Cintra Wilson

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  • Tuesday, March 7, 2006 02:53 PM

    Xtians for Jon Stewart!?

    Lynda Oswald writes:

    "Too bad all five of the nominated movies combined didn't even come close to the box office of The Chronicles of Narnia."

    Well, I did the math, and whaddyaknow, she's right! Chronicles 289M, Oscar nominees 235M.

    On the other hand, Chronicles was only third in b.o. in 2005, behind Star Wars III: Revenge of the Shit and Harry Potter and the Something of Something. So your pal Jesus got his ass kicked by Yoda and a bunch of witches. How do ya like them apples?

    Right behind them was King Kong, which beat Brokeback Mtn. 270M-79M, proving that, in America, bestiality is at least three times more popular than homosexuality.

    —Jim McCaffery Read Jim McCaffery's other letters

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