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• Friday, December 23, 2005 01:36 PM

  Unless this house is on fire-

  A good article, a lot of good comments, but one strategy for dealing with this stuff has not really come up. Go on and fight about it. Argue it out. Scream, if you must.

  In my experience with such things, these people (family memebers included) are just simple bullies. They use the same schoolyard bully techniques- the sudden attack, the threat of 'outnumbering' you, all the classics. Plus, of course, it's the holidays, which means if you slap 'em down, YOU are the bad guy (and bullies are experts at this- crossing your 'line' but not everybody's 'line').

  Three words: So. Be. It.

  I've grown accustomed to the bad guy role in recent years, as I too have suffered and retaliated from this political badgering. I'm the bad guy at my in-law's because I told my father in-law that, unless something in this house is on fire, not to ever raise his voice to me again.

  I'm the bad guy at my parents' house since I made it clear that, if they ever cut me off in mid sentence again, I'll leave.

  I'm the bad guy at my brother's house since I said, unsmiling, that his tone is not appropriate for this particular gathering.

  You'll note that I don't bother arguing the pros and cons of the death penalty or the quagmire in Iraq, the debacle in New Orleans. I attack (counter-attack, to be honest) on their tone, on their attitude, on the fact that I didn't drive six hours to be greeted with this shit.

  They sputter, they sulk, they stew, then the apologize or change the subject (I chalk that up as a win!).

  Bullies thrive on weakness, on hesitation. Anything else ruins the fantasy. Ruining fantasies has become the best part about Christmas in the past few years.

  I get away with it all because I'm a reasonable guy, and they all know it. They attacked me- and they know it. Wierd thing is that I'm still invited to the all the gatherings, and we sometimes even talk politics. But I've made it clear that they don't want to lower the tone of the debate with me.

  Merry Christams. Drive safe. Mix it up.

  —Tobbar Read Tobbar's other letters
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