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Letters
Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:00 AM

The Fix

Lohan skirts Hilton scuffle. Is Cruise making a play for the Jolie-Pitts? Plus: Screech needs your help!

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Friday, June 16, 2006 04:47 PM

Dustin Diamond

On the one hand I hate to dignify Mr. Diamond's "claim" with a response, but on the other I say "put your money where your mouth is" dude, though not necessarily literally. Look at what many people paid for a crappy night-vision sex tape of Paris Hilton, and the only remarkable thing about that session was the guy's endowment. Hilton having sex on tape, with ONLY one guy, kinda anticlimatic.

If DD really has 10 inches flaccid, then he'd only need to sell 20,000 or so tapes/DVDs/downloads of a movie of himself at $20 a pop, even after taxes, to pay off his debts. Problem solved, and while some see a woman getting explicit as being a whore, a guy with a huge endowment getting explicit is just a lucky f*cking bastard who at worst is a braggart.

Perhaps he has the goods but is "shy", but if the world knew me as the scrawny high-voiced dork from a sub-par kiddie sitcom, and I had such a massive schlong... let's just say I would be waving it as proudly as the American flag however I could.

Thursday, June 15, 2006 11:22 AM

Aircraft fact check

As a pilot I had to look up the purported tail number for Tom Cruise's plane..

Here is the link I used.. the National Enquirer claim is (unsurprisingly) BS

http://registry.faa.gov/aircraftinquiry/

Select the "N number" choice and fill in the rest of the tail number 800TC.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 05:56 PM

Tom Cruise's Plane Is Unregistered...

...because it always lands on Hubbard Island, in stealth mode.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 04:42 PM

Tom Cruise Airplane - you've been had.

There is no airplane currently registered with the number N800TC, according to the FAA's database of airplane registrations.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:55 PM

Not Screech!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what the hell did he do with all of his money from Saved By The Bell and all the spin-offs he subsequently did. Shouldn't he be foxy boxing in Thailand now or something?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:50 PM

Screech

I have the perfect solution for Screech's dilemma. If he is indeed "unusually well endowed," perhaps he should consider putting that to work for him. I understand Heidi Fleiss is looking for a few good men.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 12:45 PM

You're right.

I messed up the aircraft identification. Sorry for the mess-up.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 08:14 AM

No Plane with the number N800TC

Just fyi. I looked it up at airliners.net and the plane with that number is a little Piper. Nice try to the original poster.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 08:11 AM

Screech

Er, I know that even writing about this is just begging for amateur psychoanalysis, but I followed the Dustin Diamond link, and... 10 inches flaccid would put him in a category of his own. Giving out a fake double-digit length is a common tactic for porn actors (there are guys dumb enough to claim 15-inch length while posing with a woman holding a ruler), and they have it all out for you to see. No way I'm going to believe what the dude's girlfriend says to Howard Stern while they're trying to gain free-house publicity. Didn't Valderrama say 8 inches? 10 flaccid? Chutzpah! Unless he's willing to drop trou, we can all sleep easy.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 08:02 AM

"Hilton, meanwhile, apparently stayed behind and put on a striptease for a group of New York Giants players."

Oh good; so it worked out in the end.

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