given the level of rampant arrogance visited upon Americans by authorities, including the Kafkaesque bureacracies,small hearted cliques that can only find meaning by bullying others , profound spiritual emptiness covered up loud braying from religious leaders,profound levels of injustice ,economic inequality and ready access to guns .

That question is

Why doesn't it happen more often?

Given the rising state of unemployment and men with more time on their hands, we may find it will.

OF COURSE you feel desperate and need to escape to a fantasy world in which you are a person that exists in some glamourous way, because after wiping noses and butts all day,and just trying to beat a clean path to the garbage can it is easy to forget you have a mind at all.You are not alone and you need to know that most women feel this to a certain degree with young children, no matter how much we love our children. Don't become an Andrea Yates...

. Time for yourself is not an option, it is a necessity . So is exercise - which will lift your mood and will increase your your stamina , strength and feeling of control over your own person.

Pursue your writing but even more important pursue social ties with those you can relate to about your interests. We humans are social creatures and taking care of small children in nuclear families is lonely and mind numbing.

Try writing classes at a comunity college, a unitarian church, journaling at the library, just for the feedback, check out book groups, group therapy with a feminist therapist , codependency meetings- all of these are places you can meet others where you may possibly make a connection. and even though you may not live glamourously at least you will feel that you are living.

Please apply the oxygen to yourself first, so that you can take care of everybody else.

Good luck - hang in there

Given his upbringing he may have an overidealized version of family life.He may be wanting to repair his childhood by offering a child everything he ever wanted and never got from a parent,.If so, perhaps by introducing children into your life he can come to terms with reality Maybe you guys could babysit someones kids for a few weekends , he could coach a kids sport team or he could be a Big Brother for a year or two.Or get a dog and let him be the primary caretaker. And don't save him!

If it turns out he really wants kids I think your marriage is over because most men who say they wants kids ,only want them after work and maybe on Sunday afternoon,in other words the majority of the caretaking would fall on someone who has no interest in doing the job- you. That would be very bad news for a child.

Please stick to your guns and do not do this to please him.

However i do think its useful for him to test out his desire , in case what he's looking for with a child can be provided some other way.

you wrote

"I would describe myself almost exactly as you describe yourself. My husband wanted kids too, and I didn't. I was sure it would wreck my life. Finally I gave in,JUST TO PROVE TO HIM HOW RIGHT I WAS."

What if you were right , and then you went on to remind your husband and child every day how yes, a child has ruined your life, just as you suspected it would.

I'd rather see someone play Russian Roulette and off themself, than began the cycle of blame,resentment and guilt your method puts into play ,for who knows how many generations.

As a decision making method it is madness

Is there anyone who could deny that the institution itself fits the definiton of these personality disorders?

Paranoid personality disorder

is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.

Antisocial Personality Disorder:

. Lying, stealing, other criminal behaviors.Disregard for the feelings of others Impulsive and irresponsible decision-making.Lack of remorse for harm done to others.Disregard for the safety of self and others

Narcissistic personality disorder

is characterized by self-centeredness. People with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. Narcissists tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder:

Need for perfection and excessive discipline.Preoccupation with orderliness.InflexibilityLack of generosity.Hyper-focus on details and rules.Excessive devotion to work

And I have few doubts that ANYONE who chooses to join an organization whose purpose is to attack a country on the flimsiest of lies , killing and dislocating millions of people ,for a guaranteed amount of money,probably DID have a personality disorder before joining.