The Gate

I had no idea that the gate I would step through

to finally enter this world

would be the space my brother's body made. He was

a little taller than me: a young man

but grown, himself by then,

done at twenty-eight, having folded every sheet,

rinsed every glass he would ever rinse under the cold

and running water.

This is what you have been waiting for, he used to say to me.

And I'd say, What?

And he'd say, This -- holding up my cheese and mustard sandwich.

And I'd say, What?

And he'd say, This, sort of looking around.

Marie Howe

You write "I have nothing against marijuana use and personally I wish it would be legalized."

You have friends who smoke and you don't hold it against them. So why are you holding it against your husband? You are allowing special interest industries to come between you and your family, not to mention you and your own beliefs.

The years have proven that since his original diagnosis ,while smoking pot, he has held a job, stayed married and brought up a child, without any breakdowns.

A person close to me was diagnosed bipolar years ago and put on Lithium after a break up with a GF and several other losses at the same time. The Dr. told him it was genetic and he would have it all his life, blah, blah, blah.He would have to take a drug that could damge his kidney , so it would require frequent labwork,physician monitering etc.

Long story short - he quit the Lithium after one year when health insurance lapsed.. Sixteen years later and he has never had any kind of reoccurence, despite five job changes,accompanied by relocation.He drinks one or two beers every night , and sometimes more on special occasions three or four times a year.

Is this "self medicating", or is this just decompressing ? The pathologicalization of responses to stress is getting out of hand.

Work to change the drug law for you , your spouse , your friends and yes, very likely your child. Its something you all can do together for yourselves and our country.

http://www.mpp.org/

Whats not to love ?

a being who's always glad to see you in the morning or when you come home. Its like a little fiesta a couple of times a day, My dog even squeaks his ball in excitement while running all over the house house at hearing the car pull up. Ah ooh haah!

the very notion of being allowed to enter the animal kingdom in such close proximity always blows me away. I look at dog claws and teeth, knowing then could rip me to shreds but instead they let me rub their tummy. Its an incredible privilige . How many other animals let me kiss their whiskers ?

Plus they always get my jokes.

can we abandon ourselves on a shadowy corner at 11pm ?

How many times will we thrust our trusting self under the bed ,when someone knocks at the door?

The shock when we read about the child confined to a cage in the newspaper , and notice the caption includes our name.

How we nod in recognition at the 11 year child who weighs 40 pounds ,because we saw her this morning in the mirror, watching as we drew lipstick over her empty mouth.

Is it heartbreak from losing someone or in the being lost yourself?

You think the cad walks the streets , but instead he's right there

sharpening the knife in your own heart

The quote said sex was CHEAP, not free

And believe men have have it all over women when it comes to finding secxual gratifcation at any age for an affordable price. For most women there is not even a market choice.

doesn't cut it.

After all what does come naturally after eating , evacuating and sleeping?.Yet somehow you've learned to write, make appointment with therapist and communicate well enough to produce two daughters ( i assume they aren't the product of rape)

You've mastered many things in life I'm sure.none of which were natural UNTIL you practiced them many times. It doesn't take a seventy dollar an hour therapist to tell you that So start practicing RIGHT NOW.

Start with blatantly ungenuine comments - To the newstand guy "You're looking chipper today" and work your way up.Sure you'll be uncomfortable at first but so is driving.

Be overly effusive and fake as hell.- jump into it whole hog - don't start out with teaspoons that you mumble under your breath,hoping no one notices. Commit yourself.

Look your daughter in the eye and say quite loudly " I love that color on you".And don't be surprised when you see her wearing every day. Your words have power and you are backing off from using the most powerful tool in your backpack, to shape the world you want- positive feedback.

You might try starting off by telling yourself "Dude you were so courageous to write this on a public forum where people might respond any which way - I like that in a man- way to go!"

BTW Cary - Congrats on your radio show- you are effecting people's lives so touchingly in the way you withold judgement and gently prode them with your own stories of a life , flawed and beautiful so they may learn life is about living not being perfect Your writing -pure wabi sabi.