nevertheless you need to separate from him financially now while you have nothing.That way in the future he will have no claim on your earnings or assets , should you rebuild your life.Be frank about why you are doing it. I suggest you get a divorce NOW and continue living together , After all you see yourselves as a family and it seems he provides you with satisfactory companionship and your child with a father, or you would have left him long ago.

Since you are hurtling towards the abyss - I suggest you buy a van and a tent, a Coleman stove and a large water container, in case you are unable to find a job . That way you , your husband and child will have somewhere to safely sleep. If you are reduced to living in your car,it will be helpful to have a male in the picture for protection and childcare.

It would be nice if he finds a job but at the very minimum he needs to call in some favors for all this free work he has done

for something that will improve your family's situation. A job for you? a low rent place? a building to crash in, in bad weather in exchange for securing the place.A reliable address to receive mail,Have him work his contacts - its payback time.

Lets see that creativity in action.

and you use him to torture yourself as an underachieving worthless piece of shit.You rake your face with his claws and use his fist to squeeze the breath out of your own heart.

For some reason you need to wallow in anguish, it was in you ,but this situation tripped the mechanism to release it.Still these neural pathways have been now been carved into your brain and run a predictible course .Even though this stream is corroding your soul , you love it's predictibility..

.Please watch Fight Club about 15 times - it is the exact description of your psyche and one of the most insigtful stories of all time. The book is probably better, as most books are.

How to shrink a monster? You cannot fight ephemera directly . You can only shrink it by making energetic progress in the good. You must feed your real self , not your ghost self.Only you will know if that means taking ayahuasco a few times , diving into painting or biking across Africa. You need extreme involvement in your own life.

Meditating for 30 minutes a day won't do for you - Oh No- you must go to a thirty day retreat and meditate 10 hours a day so that you see the flimsy paper dragon that YOU have created in all its transparency. You must become so absolutely bored with thoughts of this man that you turn away in disgust.There will be guides at the retreat also that can point where to to look.

On the other hand you could try some shamanistic techniques such as feeding A LTTLE photo of your Mr Perfect ( more lurid colors the better) at a little altar, befriending and pacifying his power , offering him fruit and flowers and little prayers for not more than10 minutes each day- essentially defanging ad taming him ,bringing his qualites into your control.I would seriously entertain the idea of seeking out a shaman or Kahuna as you indicate belief in karmic connections.The search for a real one could be the extreme involvement you need.

The real question is:

how will you deal with the void in your life when you dispose of him?

if hot dogs are declared a dangerous substance because many have choked on them and someone knows where to get some - who's to say torture should not be used to keep citizens safe?

And I think the writer made a great point when he moved these scenarios into our domestic court system because otherwise aren't we saying that Americans are superior to other people?

In fact the law recognizes foreign nationals are still subject to the laws of their own countries.For example Mexico does not have capital punishment,therefore we are required to notify their embassy of prisoners who will face capital punishment.What country did we notify of our intent to torture these individuals?

And was torture legal in those countries?If so ,why do we continue diplomatic ties with them- it seems they would have qualified for the Axis of Evil classification and we would be obliged to premptively attack them - I mean isn't that our last excuse for occupying Iraq?

The owner is probably wishing right now that the

pranksters had been terminated in the first trimester.

I loved your letter .I've never read another one so honest, so heartbreaking and so hilarious.I feel like you are describng my life exactly- the way I kept waiting , waiting waiting for some call that never came and now - I'm over the hill. And in some way its a relief- I no longer have to worry about making something with my life - I just have to live it.

In just a few more years and as your accomplished friends began dying of stress related diseases, those genes will kick in and you will have the last laugh.

In fact if you drop your self imposed shame you may start to wonder as you watch the accomplished rush around in their frenzy, their complcations increasing exponentially,what all the fuss is about.

Admitting you are boring is half the way to enlightenment- let the facade go and enjoy the space and time . When you stop fighting the ego driven need to look fascinating, your innate human curiosity will emerge and you might be surprised where it may lead you. Let it.