Dear LW - you are cheating yourself . You are chasing mirages. from a distance they look so tantalizing .Yet when you have them near so familiar and well, common, even worthy of contempt.Familiar as in :they are the same view from a different floor. No wonder - you're looking out of your same eyes. Cary described a lifestyle many people have, if they are clever and well off enough. And his description of learning to live with our restless mind is indeed the prescription to cure you. But HOW to focus on the fishing and not the fly bites.?

From personal experience I can tell you that through meditation you can settle., though you may still like to travel and even change jobs now and then.It won't be easy- or quick, you can't buy it or charm your way into success - At a meditation center you will meet people who are various stages of taming their mind that have challenges similiar to yours as well as humble masters .

There will be flies and claustrophobia and tremendous boredom and racing thoughts and overwheming irritation. Just like now, plenty of moments to practice with . And practice living with all these things is exactly what meditaion is.

There will be people who cough too much, and jackhammers just when you're getting mellow. There will sad dogs barking and doors opening and closing.But believe it or not, you can learn to live with them and even to love them because they are the seconds of this very life .... and you truly deserve to experience it not just speed through it.

If we are poor and illiterate, do we lose ourself if we become educated and well off? Does one lose oneself if they win the lottery or move to Greece. ? What is this self , and where does it go?

just from observing your husbands life, his pre accident and post accident 'self" you can see that selfness is a way we use to freeze attributes that we transition through , yet leave us labeled..

Its yourself you're doing this for as well as your spouse . Unlike your friend ,perhaps you value loyalty above performance , or compassion above creativity.However perhaps that your husband doesn't remember things from one minute to the next, is a blessing for the day when you become just too completely worn down to even honor your own values. To delay that time, please get yourself some kind of respite for the long haul

Read the article it today's Salon "Dude -where's my manhood?" about a book called Guyland. It describes perfectly the young man you are having a "relationship" with.Your young man is much more interested in pleasing his friends than you, and don't be surprised if he is talking about your sex life , your body and your quirks with them . Also don't be surprised if they get drunk enough to rape you or do a little group grope number to cement their friendship. You're in danger of losing any self esteem you still have - get out now

It would be nice if her parents had told her years ago. They didn't- thirty five years is a long time to base your identity upon a lie. There are several questions that are pertinent. How close are you to your niece or your sister.? You may find yourself out in the cold if you force this information upon them, especially if it causes a rift, which you may set in motion between parents and child.

Is your niece asking questions about her history ,is she a delver into the past or a couldn't care less type of person? Does she have children ,or is that a potential in the near future?.Personally I think unless you are very close to the niece and the potential for children is strong in the next couple of years or your niece is stumped psychologically with some kind of issue I wouldn't open a past that has she has no apparent interest in. Put yourself in her shoes. Is the potential of destroying a relationship with two people who you trust worth knowledge you've never considered? There are things much worse than lack of information.

in the long run and your children will be able to have both parents available. It doesn't sound like you and your almost ex are in hate, just worn down and disillusioned from spending too much time and energy in obtaining a lifestyle instead of investing in each other. Turn that around - he's still the same man you once loved though somewhat battered by the economy.

Marriage has its ups and downs -and someone in your corner in this fast paced world can be make the difference between surviving with a grin or givng up and going under ,on so many levels, for all concerned.

Dear LW- there is only one way known to humanity in order to decrease these "stirrings". Though they can never be totally eliminated studies have found that the pursuit of money in humungous quantites is a good substitute for the curve of a breast,the smell of soft skin and a come hither eyebrow. One must not be deterred by obtaining merely enough to live on, even in a comfortable style. No , indeed one must think of mounting compound interest night and day like a pile of gold spilling over one's heart and you will find the energy to work up to 15 hours a day,live in a sterile apartment and subsist on peanuts and orange juice.

My friend -this is the secret of the spiraling western birth rate. Gold does not tarnish like blonde hair, so don't dally -