Not that it praises the book as terrific (though it certainly has mostly positive things to say). It's just that, qua review, this writing by Laura Miller is terrific.

Thank you, Salon. (If only all your departments could hold themselves to the high standards of this kind of intelligent and informed writing!)

This seems like a very interesting letter, but I cannnot understand the crux of the letter-writer's description of his problem, precisely because I don't understand the key phrase:

I turned to ice on her.

I don't know whether this refers

a) solely to the emotional state of the LR, or

b) that of the would-be object of his affections, or

c) both.

It doesn't seem reasonable to look anywhere but in the LR's letter to try to clarify my confusion (since I suspect Mr. Tennis is no more telepathic than I).

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Still, I'll give one piece of advice on the theory that a) is what "I turned to ice on her" refers to.

I'm further guessing that the LR is trying to say that he loses his nerve when he thinks of approaching the scene partner.

This is a situation I faced quite often in my youth:

fear of rejection by a woman I would have liked to ask out. My response to this fear was usually just to do nothing. As a result, I missed many promising opportunities, and was mostly limited to dating women who took the initiative to make their interest in me unequivocally clear, sometimes by taking the first step by essentially asking me out. (Many of these women were wonderful, but still my opportunities were significantly limited by my own fear.)

At some point -- with some help -- it finally dawned on me that there was no reason to worry about being rejected. Because: So what!

On to the next prospect. The only worry was to pass up a promising opportunity to meet an especially wonderful woman.

At some point after that dawned on me, it finally sunk in and radically changed my behavior. This was a very valuable change.

I recommend it to anyone who suffers a similar paralyzing fear of rejection.

It seems there *should* be a site for people to warn others of dangerous individuals.

Yet as others here have amply pointed out, there is an enormous potential for abuse -- and looking at the site mentioned, this potential has been realized -- and then some.

It seems to me that there are always enough electronic traces that if, say, the FBI ever felt the need to go after someone they knew of only because he had "anonymously" posted to some website, they could without much trouble figure out whose computer account made the post -- and it's not too far from there to the person who posted.

So maybe the solution is already present: if someone posts something so nasty and false that it is actionable, then probably the poster can indeed be tracked down and sued.

It's unfortunate, however, that such websites are largely used for purely spiteful purposes. Perhaps websites should be required to make it as easy as possible for errant posters to be located. But in our "free-speech" society the First Amendment is used to "justify" anyone who wants to publicly insult anyone else -- no matter how obnoxiously -- as long as the insult isn't "actionable".

Maybe the First Amendment isn't pure virtue as some seem to believe it is.

This is what I would say to the letter-writer: As you mentioned in your letter, you are currently going through an agony that almost everyone of a certain age has gone through unless they lucked out and married their high school sweetheart happily ever after.

There are few things that can help you better than knowing that time heals. The pain, the anguish you are going through, will pass, just as it has for so many other people, not just now but over aeons since the dawn of love.

It's very hard not to dwell on your pain, but the more you can distract yourself with other activities (ones that won't remind you of your sadness) the better you'll feel. (This is one of the paradoxes of therapy: For all the good it does, it also tends to draw your attention back to your sadness.) It's another cliché, but also so true, that getting a lot of physical exercise at a time like this could be the best thing you can do for yourself.

And as for the store -- don't believe your own propaganda that you "can't relocate because you own a store". If you really want to relocate, you can make that store an attractive property to own, and find a buyer who will pay a fair price.

But for now you are living with your parents, who presumably love you and care about you, and are providing a comfortable place for you to hang out (I hope)

while you recover from this recent blow to you. So perhaps you are not necessarily in a huge hurry to relocate, even if that is your plan within a few years or sooner.

Once, a close friend of mine in a situation similar to yours found she was happier to avoid going where she would see large numbers of apparently happy couples -- and to avoid reading books or watching movies that might remind her of her sadness. Your mileage will of course vary.

But always bear in mind, no matter how unlikely it might seem right now: Time heals.

P.S. To the letter-writer: You have just spent 3.5 years loving and caring for another human being. You may think in retrospect that all that emotional investment was wasted. But in fact you now have very highly developed skills at loving and caring. When you have pulled yourself together enough to re-enter the social whirl down the road, you will be a highly desirable person to the opposite sex, because many people possess skills of loving and caring in strictly limited quantity.