Letters to the Editor
Kerianfree
Published Letters: 57 Editor's Choice: 9
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You call this a problem?
[Read the article: I'm a light-skinned African-American, OK?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Let me get this straight. You met and married a wonderful man of South Asian descent and you get to go to cocktail parties filled with intelligent and accomplished people from around the world? Poor baby!
You seem to be upset because these folks, noticing that you're with a South Asian man, and that you have, I assume, some interesting and indeterminable ethnic features (e.g. you don't look Scandinavian)are innocently curious about your ethnicity. Then, some of these innocent foreigners, having not been trained all their lives in the excruciating delicacies of American race relations (including the fact that some African-Americans are hair-trigger-sensitive), have the audacity to say something so gauche as, "Wow, you don't look African-American! Is one of your parents Caucasian?"
I'm sorry, but this is not anywhere near as gauche as saying, "Wow, you don't look Jewish! Did you get a nose job?" It's pretty understandable that foreigners would assume African-Americans would look distinguishable from white Americans, don't you think?
You could try to be gracious and say something like, "No, both my parents really are African-American. You'd be amazed at how light-skinned African-Americans can be." Then you can take the conversation any which way you like. You can hear their perspective on American race relations, which I think could be fascinating. You can steer it at some point to learn about the racial, ethnic and class conflicts in their country -- another fascinating topic. Or you could simply change the subject. You might, for example, ask, "And so where are YOU from?"
If you hate the cocktail parties you get invited to, don't go. And if you haven't gotten over being a little girl teased for being light-skinned, find a good therapist with whom to talk it over. You're not that little girl anymore. You're a grown woman whose background is of interest to the people you meet. So be a grownup and deal with it!
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Scary, but...
[Read the article: Only the GOP can save us]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I actually think DSK (previous letter writer) may be right. I was going to write "God forbid the Republicans save us" from Bush, because as other writers have said, the current crop in the Senate and Congress are filled with the most mendacious, mean-spirited, grasping, money-hungry, sleazy, God-abusing, poor-people-hating human beings this country has seen in office for at least 75 years. When they do something decent, it's a news story. I hate to picture McCain putting a nice honorable face on this kleptocracy, this government of, for and by the folks making $1 million-plus a year.
But I'm afraid that nothing except a true recession or depression -- unemployment above 9 percent for more than six months -- will shake people out of voting for these monsters. They've rigged the game too well. It doesn't seem to bother people enough that their incomes are falling and they can't find a company to pay them a decent wage anymore. As long as they have work, they don't blame Washington. Twenty-five years of "government is the problem, not the solution" has done its dirty work.
I hope that the Dems take over Congress next year, and I'm making my donations, but the fact that they can't count on that, when you consider what a mess things are in, shows how bad the Democrats are in confronting the corruption in Congress and offering an alternative.
I have hope for Obama. Jon Corzine, also, is obviously trying to reach the White House, and he's a decent guy. I don't want Hillary, because she's such a target -- it will be John Kerry all over again. 50.8 to 49.2.
I am afraid of McCain. God forbid he create the goddamn permanent Republican majority that the criminals want because he makes them look like decent human beings.
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Think deeply
[Read the article: I single-handedly conquered Sweden. Now what?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You say you have "kind, loyal and generous American and Swedish friends" but you "still feel lonely a lot of the time."
When I hear this from someone (especially a woman), it usually means one thing: needing an intimate partner.
Okay. So the big question is, can you imagine falling in love with a Swedish guy? Or another American expat in Sweden?
Or do you prefer American guys? Which region?
You don't sound like you're in love with Sweden as your "true home." America, I agree with other responders here, is a truly screwed up place, where everyone works too hard, and interesting conversations and deep friendships are way too difficult to come by. And single American men, from the conversations I've had with my single nieces in their twenties and thirties, really suck as romantic partners and potential life partners. But you may feel completely differently.
I envy you your ability to simply live in Europe right now, though I can imagine feeling homesick for the U.S.A.
So I agree with Cary and several other writers: consider finding work in a warmer European country with more outgoing people. But if something in your heart says you need to live in America again, back with family, old friends and this wide open, crazy country, then by all means come back.
BUT -- unless you have a huge network of friends in some city that you could get a job in, or just need a big dose of your own family right now, it may be a big mistake to think you'll feel any less lonely in America. You may feel more comfortable and familiar for a while, but you'll still have to create a whole new social circle or reestablish an old one -- and the kind of leisurely, balanced sense of life people have in Europe is sorely lacking here.