I love words and I love your stuff, but there are always those times when words just don't cut it and you need to express yourself with a big hug. This hugs's for you and yours, Cary. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

... but a lot of people loved it, read it, bought it, made it into a movie. So go figure.

Many people here have told the LW that she needs to do blah blah blah if her friend is a writer and blah blah blah. I have one word for that: Blah!

Is the writer going to get published? Is there a decent chance that if this book was presented to an editor, the editor would say, "I like parts of it, change some stuff and I'll take another look?" If that's what's happening, then the writer could really use help from somebody to get to what the editor wants, and then you talk to your friends.

Otherwise, I'm amazed at the egos here -- who the hell says you have to judge anybody else's work of art or creativity or whatever it is they do? Sure they ask you to -- but people ask for advice all the time about things we actually do know something about (like how to talk to your mother, how to deal with the neighbor whose dog keeps crapping on your lawn) and that's one thing, but frankly, if you're not a published author, you've got no useful advice for an unpublished author. Period. And even if you are a published author (and I just happen to be a published author myself, I even got *paid* for it, like enough money to love on for a year because I'm a cheapskate but hey, it worked), anybody in this game long enough knows that you don't accept criticism and you don't offer criticism unless you're paid for it. Period.

The LW is being a dick -- he or she doesn't have to lie, doesn't have to say anything more than, "It's not my thing to read books and give you comments." If that's the truth, and frankly it would be great if that were the truth. But the more likely truth is the LW thinks that he or she actually has something useful to tell the writer, and he or she doesn't really have anything useful to tell the writer, he or she is too chicken-shit to either say "I didn't like part of it for these reasons but you know me, take it for what it's worth to you," or to say "I'm not comfortable talking about this with you."

Here's an idea: Learn to think for yourself. It'll do you a world of good.

Loved Cary's answer, by the way (as usual). And while I absolutely agree with many of his (Cary's) points, in this very specific case, with this one couple, I think the answer is staring us right in the face: The guy is testing to see if his girlfriend will freak if he wants to sleep with other women.

This doesn't make him a bad guy! But if we take this entire conversation at the LW's word, there's just something a little ... "odd" ... about this situation. The boyfriend sounds decent enough, and -- importantly -- *aware* enough of his own life and the LW that he (the boyfriend), being of "ethical and moral" something or other, wants to sleep with other women. He wouldn't be worried at all about "cheating" if he had no desire to sleep with other women. And that's not a bad thing! Doesn't make him a bad guy!

But he's checking out around the edges to see what makes the LW freak out or not. It's interesting (I think I'm paraphrasing Dan Savage here) that people get all freaked out about monogamy and are willing to throw away a perfectly good relationship because they can't deal with the sexual issues that come between them (ha ha).

So, LW, ask your boyfriend if he's ever thought about the possibility of an open relationship, and watch his eyes light up. I'll send you $5 if I'm wrong!

I have no opinion on what's up with the LW and his wife, though I hope (and suspect) things will turn out fine.

For those of you who believe that email is somehow private ... I work as a network tech and believe me, email is like a postcard, never send anything over the network that you wouldn't mind sharing with the world. I'm very, very, VERY serious about this -- whether somebody is "peeking" at email is besides the point, your email is NOT PRIVATE, please don't think it is, please don't think it can't be forwarded to all sorts of people instantaneously at the drop of a hat. DO NOT PUT INTO EMAIL WHAT YOU WOULD NOT SAY IN A POSTCARD.

I don't read other people's stuff. I don't even read it when they ask me to. But please don't think your email is private. You let yourself in for a world of hurt when you do that.

Beautifully put, Cary. Good luck on the book, and I wish you short lines at the post office.

It's good to be boring. It can keep you alive and keep you going when everybody else is freaking out. Then you're free to do the serious work when they're done being cute and you've still got the discipline and focus to hang in there.