Letters to the Editor
Travelall
Published Letters: 69 Editor's Choice: 9
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The Addictive Personality
[Read the article: Porn in theory, porn in practice]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Recently I went to the doctor for treatment of back pain (which was pretty severe), and after some consultation, my doctor (who knows me pretty well) gave me prescription for some pretty heavy-duty pain killers that are strongly controlled due to the fact they're very much in demand by certain people with certain addictions.
I'd read some info on this particular pain killer and asked my doctor, "I've heard that these can be quite addictive, many people warn against taking these."
And he responded, "Yeah, but you don't seem to have a very addictive personality. Just take them as prescribed for a couple of days and let me know if they help or not, this is just to reduce the inflammation and pain so that your physical therapy will be more effective."
Now, perhaps my doctor was is just cavalier but I like to think he knows a bit about me (as a regular patient) and respected me.
I realize this is not really all that great an analogy to porn use, but I was struck by Cary's comments -- if you replace the word "porn" with "booze" and "into my pants" with "into my stomach" and "molest" with ... well, figure it out.
I admire Cary greatly, and I drink, but I'm not an alcoholic.
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Free choice?
[Read the article: Porn in theory, porn in practice]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I think those of us on these pages who put their faith in free choice harbor naive hopes about the freedom of our choices.
True, but that goes for pretty much everything, existentially speaking: Our "freedom" to do things or think things or feel things is not absolute, it's relative to many other things in our lives.
Something not many people have concerned themselves so far here is the definition of "porn." Cary speaks of "porn" and the LW speaks of "porn," and just what was her boyfriend looking at? What are the images that are reaching into Cary's pants?
Is an image of a beautiful woman nude, porn? If she's kissing another woman? Another man? Pleasuring herself?
I'm guessing that it's something like the old saying, "I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it." Thus we have what we might loosely describe as "hardcore" or "softcore" or "erotica" or whatever, and people figure out their own reaction and thus decide what "porn" is to them.
Regarding the idea that "porn" has all these particular focused effects: From what I can tell about our current culture, it's focused on sex and sexual "status," however you want to define that. It's much more insidious than porn, and open acceptance of porn as simple "right to the crotch" arousal is, to me, a much more healthy way of living than the way we couch so much of our societal images, status, etc. on sexual status.
Yeah, sex is really what it's all about, and we Americans do it pretty badly (just as we helped start the trend towards global obesity with our food choices). I've lived overseas for a while and you might be amazed at the choice of "porn" that is available, easily available, to the general public. And yet these cultures don't manifest the kind of symptoms that Cary and others see in porn, globally speaking.
So porn is a convenient thing to blame for the fact that our society has a whole bunch of issues that it really has no idea how to deal with.
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Food and Sex
[Read the article: Porn in theory, porn in practice]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]In fact, we don't even think about food as much as we do about sex. Rather, we eat our fill and then go on with our day.
My friend, you could not be more wrong, not if you're talking about the good ol' USA. Do you watch TV, or read the paper, or magazines, when it comes to food and food issues?
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It's no fun when it's no fun
[Read the article: A cheating bully is ruining our racquetball games]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The guy may be a jewel off court, but his behavior on-court is simply not acceptable so you need to call him on it. This isn't to say he's a global a**hole (though I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he is, indeed, an a**hole at many other times), but you don't have to be a jerk in order to deal with jerky behavior.
So, as many people have already said, start by showing him that he can't do this if he wants to play with you guys. You don't even have to put any negative words or behavior of your own in return -- just speak plainly and clearly, make eye contact, and make sure that he has heard you clearly. That leaves the next step to him, whether he truly wants to be a jerk (and treat you poorly when you've explicitly communicated your problem); if he doesn't want to play by your mutually agreed-upon rules, then he can't play. Doesn't make anybody bad or good, it's just how we need to treat each other if we want to behave a civil beings.
If people would rather leave the game than deal with this person, that's a small tragedy, and it rewards inconsideration, which I think can lead to bigger tragedies. So frankly you'll be doing him, you, your group, your club, and maybe even the whole world a favor if you either help this guy deal better with others in competition or refuse to participate in events where boorish behavior is rewarded.